God Sees You Through Eyes of Love, Mama!

I know no more appropriate activity, then helping with Alpha Pregnancy Resource Center on Mothers Day Weekend

God Sees You Through His Eyes of Love, Mama

To all the Mama's raising their children, God sees you and He wants to help you with your hard task,

To all the Mama's raising a child borne to another woman, God sees you and will give you all you need to raise that child. He can heal their heart when they are struggling through abandonment and missing their first Mama,

To all the Mama's raising their kids alone, God sees you and He wants you to know that He is on the throne and you are NEVER alone, you have HIM,

To all the Mama's who have lost a child, God sees you and He will comfort your heart,

To all the Mama's with a child who has left in rebellion to you, God sees you and loves that child more than you ever could, He hears your prayers and desires to draw that child back,

To all the Mama's who gave up their child to give them what she could not, God sees you and knows your longing for them. He can soothe your heart and watch over your child.

To all the Mama's who have aborted a child, God sees you and loves you and will forgive you and heal your heart. 

God sees all the Mama's through His eyes of Love. Happy Mother's Day!!

Yesterday, I helped out with Alpha Pregnancy Resource Center's Walk for Life. I know of no better thing to do on Mother's Day Weekend. They do not walk AGAINST anyone or anything but FOR Mothers! 

They are there in Sanford, ME being the hands and feet of Jesus. They offer parenting classes, Bible Studies and friendship. They offer diapers and baby/children's clothes, formula and many other daily necessities. They offer post-abortion counseling. They offer support to the mother giving up their child for adoption. They offer training and support for those keeping their babies. They are there for Mothers, those who planned to be Mothers and those who did not. They do all they do with love and support. 

I support them because I want to support Mothers and their children. They are reaching families I cannot. They are seeking to honor God. I love how they love Mamas and I would stand with them any day!

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast

and have no compassion on the child she has borne?

Though she may forget,

I will not forget you!

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;

your walls are ever before me.Your children hasten back,

and those who laid you waste depart from you.

Lift up your eyes and look around;

all your children gather and come to you.

As surely as I live,” declares the Lord,

“you will wear them all as ornaments;

you will put them on, like a bride.

~Isaiah 49:15-18

Beware of Fan Girl

In my "normal state" I am NOT a fan girl. I'm not one to stand in line and collect autographs at a concert. I stay far away from book signings. I'm not great at talking to people I don't know (unless they are extroverted chatterboxes...I love those people...they keep the world spinning for the rest of us!).

But I have just purchased a ticket on a little dream and I have a plan to be a BIG.OLE.FAN.GIRL...at...drum roll...

Together For Adoption Conference

Let me tell you...there are some people I am hoping and praying will be there!! They've written their adoption journeys in the form of blogs! I've read some of them as a book, from the beginning to the end! That's not easy! Blogs are set up in reverse with most recent posts first. So you have to be dedicated to a lot of clicking to start at the beginning and keep your spot! 

I am hoping the following will be there, cause I feel like I know them even though they have NO IDEA who I am (These are linked if you would like to visit!):

Andrea from Babe of My Heart and Wiphan .

Gwen and Suzanne from 147 Million Orphans . Gwen ( Oatsvall Team ) and Suzanne ( The Journey ).

Then:

Author Kim de Blecourt who wrote of her adoption in the book: Until We All Come Home . (Spoiler, I already know she'll be there!)

Now I don't know if she (3 she's) goes to such things but I would love to see:

Kristin at Spread More Love

Jean from There's No Place Like Home 

Laurel from A New Journey of Faith 

Then those who I would love to say to: "Your journey challenges me to go deeper into what is God's best for me" would be:

Tina from Kacirek Family

Lovelyn at Moments with Love

Carolyn from Project Hopeful

Megan from Blessed with a Burden and author of Miracle on Voodoo Mountain

She likely won't be there but:

Katie Davis, author of Kisses from Katie


There's more, people, more!! I can't wait!! I NEEEEED this!! I need to renew my calling. I need to be soaked in it! 

To top it all off, my firstborn and his wife to be will be married and living about 15ish minutes from the conference so I can crash at their house and get some visiting in!! Cancel Mother's Day and my birthday and my Christmas present!! I've got all I want this year!! 

Lifted

A little bit harried and a whole lot unorganized, we tumble out of the van and into the convenience store to grab our pizza, some drinks, and a bag of chips that will take more than a couple of minutes to agree upon...and on up to the register to pay. 

The kind woman at the register who carried my pizza for me says something I can't quite remember and then, "Aren't one of your kids missing?" Now she's got my attention...and the attention of the woman beside me... This is part where I look into her face and see whether she is judging me to be a hero or something akin to a crazy cat lady collecting too many cats. Either extreme misses the mark. I look at my four younger kids and for a minute I am not sure of the correct response...I am acutely aware that my mind might not be sharp enough this moment...

"Actually, there's a few missing." I know I have a question mark on my face as I try to figure out if she thinks there should be one more Nicaraguan with me or if she has met my older children.

"How many children do you HAVE?" she says politely and nicely but still emphasizing the word "have". 

"Seven," I say,"but only six living at home." Then I am asked the ages and rattle it all off as I've done this routine 100 times over...

The woman beside me comes to life..."Seven?" 

Here it comes...and I brace myself for whichever extreme she'll decide I am...

But instead...quietly...with friendship in her eyes she says...

"You must really love children to do what you do. I love children too!" 

"Yes, I do," I say, taken completely off guard.

And pizza paid for during the exchange, I walk out the door with my kids helping me carry our lunch and the same kind woman opening the door for me and chatting on about how awesome kids are and how her daughter is with her because she is home sick from school...and asking if I homeschool and breathing more encouragements my way. 

And just like that, there's an extra lift in my step and my own chaos of the day is forgotten and I am determined to enjoy greasy pizza with my kids and let the unorganized day that brought me to convenience store pizza be the start of an impromptu pizza party. 

And I remember that I can be that for others, and this is my prayer:

"The Sovereign LORD has given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed." ~Isaiah 50:4

My Manna

I've been fascinated lately with the thought of Manna, that food that God literally dropped from the sky onto the ground to provide for His people. I've mulled over the fact that the people were not allowed to save up provision for the next day. God would send more the next day. That current day's provision was enough for that day only.

"So the people of Israel did as they were told. Some gathered a lot, some only a little.But when they measured it out,everyone had just enough. Those who gathered a lot had nothing left over, and those who gathered only a little had enough. Each family had just what it needed.
Then Moses told them, “Do not keep any of it until morning.” But some of them didn't listen and kept some of it until morning. But by then it was full of maggots and had a terrible smell. Moses was very angry with them." ~Exodus 16:17-20
My manna is energy. God gives me what I need for each day. And then it's gone. And I am done. I cannot not borrow tomorrow's energy for use today. 

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him." ~Lamentations 3:22-24

Off to bed I go to do some reading and praying and then go to sleep. I read books from people living the same way I am...seeking to do God's will and build His Kingdom. I read people that are honest about their struggle, that don't always get it right, but who keep trying. I read people who inspire me to keep trying. I pray, begging God to make me into the woman He wants me to be. I am not unaware of my failings. But even these I have to lay in His hands. I pray for the desire and strength to do those things I am procrastinating. 

"Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." ~1 Chronicles 16:11

I try to only work beyond the energy I've been given when I feel a specific conviction to do something I think God wants me to do right then. Earlier this week I had a failure in that area. I felt compelled to provide a meal and I was tired out and let myself just...not...  So I try again the next day to follow those "nudges" and not let *myself* get in the way. And this verse inspires me when I am so tired but there is more to do:

"Surely you remember, brothers and sisters, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you." ~1 Thessalonians 2:9

I remember missionary Amy Carmichael's words that there is always enough time to do the will of God, that God only has one thing for us to do in each moment. And I remember as I lay my head down on the pillow, exhausted and depleted and feeling like I can't do one more thing, that God's mercies are new every morning, that I don't have to do "tomorrow's work today." I can sleep knowing that a new day is ahead, with my manna for the day waiting for me when I awaken. 

In a Word ~ 2015

I have chosen my word for 2015: PRESENCE, as in "God's presence." 

The definition of "presence" is:

~"the state or act of existing, occurring, or being present in a place or thing."
~"a person of thing that exists or is present in a place but is not seen."
~"a group of people, especially soldiers or police, stationed in a particular place." 

When I am spending daily time with the Lord, I am quite literally "a different person" than when I am not. I am not as fearful or full of worry. I am focused and understanding what needs to be done. I am not panicked about getting it done. I am able to take tasks one at a time. I am not as selfish. I am more patient and loving. I am focused on others. I am driven by God's Kingdom and sacrificing self with more joy. 

My goal is to live with a constant awareness of being in God's presence with all the accountability and benefit that this would afford. I want to be driven by God's heart of love and grace and patience. I want what is important to him to be important to me.

I want to give up my petty concerns. I'd like to stop worrying about those things that are out of my control. You know those things, like "the car broke down and the mortgage money is now getting my car on the road". Those times come and go and I know God is in control. We'll do our part to work hard and not waste money but at the end of the day provision is something God promises. I can wait for it with peace or with anxiety. I'd like to choose peace.

Oh, and then I'd like to banish certain words from my lips like: "Please excuse the ripped furniture" or whatever the thing is in the house that I think I should be ashamed of when someone comes over but can't or won't do anything about it because it is not the priority right now... I'd rather welcome friends in with a hug and a cup of something warm. I'd rather be focused on a good visit than in how my house looks that day. I do my best with my house like everybody else. I didn't rip the couch...why am I apologizing? God keeps my priorities straight when I let him! 

Then there are those big things God puts on my heart to do...like when we adopted our 4 kids and lived in a foreign country for half a year to do it. When I am living in God's presence, those things are exciting and fun. When I step out of God's presence and think with my selfish, scared brain I think these things are both "crazy" and "impossible". I don't want to miss the adventures God has for me by "living in MY OWN presence." 

 "Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."  
~Psalm 139:7-10

Here's to 2015! Let the adventures begin!.

God sees you, Mama!

God sees you Mama...

Counting presents and buying last minute gifts...

Trying to make sure everyone has the same amount of pretty packages...

Looking out the window for the UPS truck to bring the gift you are afraid won't arrive...

Worried over whether everyone will be content on Christmas Day...

Trying to make the day special for each one...

God sees you Mama...

Mailing out last minute presents to family far away...

Wondering if you should spend the money you don't have on overnight shipping...

Wondering if it's okay if gifts arrive a day or two late or if someone will be hurt...

God sees you Mama...

Running last minute to the grocery store hoping there are turkeys left that aren't frozen...

Trying to make sure to get the ingredients for everyone's favorite dessert...

God sees you Mama...

Getting everyone's outfit ready for the Christmas Eve service...

Trying to get everyone out the door early so you can all sit together...

Remembering crayons and paper since there's no child care...

Hoping the little ones will be calm during the service so you can enjoy it too...

God sees you Mama...

Up all night wrapping presents...

Hoping you bought enough wrapping paper and tape...

Hoping you won't have to try to hide the duck tape you would have to use out of desperation...

God sees you Mama...

Worried that you've lost the "reason for the season"...

That God is not pleased with your busy preparations...

Know He sees your heart that you wish there was some *time off* in there for you...

Take a moment Mama...

To rest in God's love for you...

To be restored in His presence...

To sing His praises...
Take yourself *off the hook* that only you have put yourself on...

Remember that God understands *preparations* and *sacrifice* and *gifts to those He loves*...

He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. 

~Isaiah 40:11

Nicaragua

two weeks ago today...

we were wondering how to say goodbye,

we had been welcomed

loved

hugged

befriended,

we had laughed

we had cried

we had shared

we had celebrated 

we had danced,

we had done all we had prepared,

Bible Studies

craft projects

a birthday party

a staff appreciation party,

only one thing was left, 

the hardest thing,

goodbye...

sad to leave, 

glad to go home,

you wonder why it's so hard 

to go "back to life",

but it's always hard to be changed

while keeping company with what is the same,

it's hard to be remember,

you don't know what's best 

for another person,

only God knows,

and you must be content

to be your part

in their story.

yours is not to write the story,

or change the ending,

that is His alone.

yours is to love,

yours is to bring hope,

yours is to do what you've been called to do.

yours is to be ready,

in case you are called upon for more.

yours is to trust God,

and his love

which is infinitely more

than anything you could hope to give.

Leaves me quiet...

As summer quietly comes to a close, I find myself growing quiet too. Life doesn't come with long explanations sometimes and I find myself walking through it, doing the next thing while trusting that God is doing something bigger through my very small moments.

This year I am homeschooling 6 grade levels. I find that thinking about it is not the best idea. Thinking causes nausea and headaches. ;) It's best to just *do it!* It's one Math lesson, one History chapter, one handwriting page at a time. It's each child learning to wait for me to finish one thing so I can assist them with their *next thing*. It's learning to give one another preference, learning to be quiet so others can focus, learning to think and discover on one's own sometimes. It's where we bump into each other all day and I hope and pray there are diamonds being formed within the pressure and bumping. Each day we try to make every piece of ground holy ground...it leaves me quiet...

We make time for ministry outside the home. It's important to me for many reasons. I want to be part of growing God's Kingdom, to disciple my children by *showing them* a life lived for Christ. Life is busy. You've got to shove things over and make room for what you want your life to look like, you know? With a team of friends, I am working on coordinating small groups in our church. I am praying that we would, as a church, full on make disciples who make disciples. And that out of that, God's Kingdom would grow and churches would be planted. I pray for God to move and move big and take my town and area and state and world for Him. It's nothing a team of 4 women can do. Only God can...it leaves me quiet...

With a team of 9 women and teens who represent some of the closest friends I have in the world, I leave in 3 weeks for a missions trip to Nicaragua. Any time I think too hard about Nicaragua I cry...I am trusting God will help me pull it together when I lay my eyes on Nicaragua again. I pray that God shows me what I am specifically there to do and I pray for the boldness to do it. Often we think of the idea of loving the "least of these." As I consider just who that is I can't help but think that we are all "the least". The things that make us all alike far outweigh the things that make us different... I want to squeeze every drop out of that week and leave nothing undone and leave no room for regrets. It leaves me quiet...

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him..." ~Psalm 37:7

My Legacy

"But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

What do I want my life to show? One thing I really want it to show that you CAN adopt a sibling group! I want it to show that your family can survive and THRIVE! I want more kids to find forever families! There's too many kids without families. There's plenty of homes. There's plenty of room.

For that reason I WANT to highlight my personal weaknesses!! I don't want to lie and give false impressions of being super patient, super organized, super *anything*! Because I want people to see that if I can, certainly THEY can!

I don't want anyone to mistakenly think that I had or have enough money, resources, time, talent, patience, diligence, love, peace, energy, or anything else one might imagine is needed...

I don't want anyone thinking I am super spiritual. The truth is God took small hesitant "yeses" and made them bigger and pushed my boundaries and borders further and further and further...

God didn't throw down unlimited resources so we could take them and run... No, as we increased what we said "yes" to and walked through with empty hands he filled them day by day for the tasks and needs of that day. And there were days of walking through thinking the provision would be too late. But it arrived just in time.

I've learned that in the same way that God can stretch our physical resources, he can stretch my character...

He has shown me daily through my IMpatience how to cry out for patience and to get back up and try again with his strength to be more patient the next time...

He has shown me how to let a struggling child in my family vent without coming up with all the answers and fighting back...through my offering hollow answers that meant nothing and letting me see that all blow up...

So that I would learn to cry out to him to meet that need that I could not...

He has shown through through letting me argue back to see that I can't win an argument...but that he can change a heart (even mine).

He has shown me through my depleted energy and exhausted discouragement to rely on him to accomplish the next thing...and the next thing...and the next...

My legacy is not my strength. My legacy is my weakness when it meets with the strength of the God of the Universe.

My mind remembers back to a lesson over 20 years old when I was asked to enter a ministry and I shared with my pastor that I was scared and didn't think I had what it took. His answer? "Good!! This needs someone who knows that and relies on God and will not be tempted to rely on self."

My mom came to visit last week. I hope she doesn't mind my sharing this but she's never been a big fan of chaos (not many are, right?). She spoke a word to me that had more power than she realized. She said, "Your life is peaceful."

How many times in the midst of adjustment and explosion and chaos did I run worship songs through my head phones and beg God for PEACE? Steady peace in my heart, peace in my home, peace in my family, a life of PEACE. So when she spoke I realized...my prayer is being answered!! 

For,“Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.” ~1 Peter 3:10-12

My legacy is my weakness.

Aren't We All Busy?

The most common thing people say to me who either haven't seen me in awhile or are meeting me and my semi-large family for the first time is: "You must be so busy!!!" Yes, I am. They are right.

But hold up...aren't we all busy? 

We all have 24 hours in a day. And we all fill more of those hours with activity than we spend sleeping. So, the question isn't whether or not we will be busy. That matter is settled. We all find activity to spend our minutes. The question is: What will we be busy doing?

As I have grown older, I have sensed more and more the importance of spending my minutes very intentionally. I have chosen what I will be busy doing. 

For all of us who have given our lives to Jesus, we want to wake up each day and pray: "Lord, what can I do today to bring glory to your Name? How can I be used to further and build your Kingdom? How can I live in such a way that requires faith? How can I trust you more? How can my life reflect YOUR heart?"

For me, part of that answer is adoption and having a large-ish family. I believe God wants kids in families. I believe defending the cause of the orphan is God's heart. I believe these kids need a family to help them grow to love God and be healthy adults. In following God's leading, there are now 7 kids in our family. 

It's hard work, for my husband and for my children and for myself. But it's living in abundance. 

People also tend to say, "I could never do what you are doing." I'll tell you a secret: God is giving me the strength and the power and the energy and the grace and the love. I can't do it either. 

It's honestly amazing to do something I know "I can't do." It's awesome to work through the day and see good things happening that I could never produce on my best day! It's a front row seat to watch God work in a very literal, concrete way.

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it." ~Malachi 3:10

Rising Up...

I knew that horrible suffering in the world was happening. I knew people were starving, abused and alone. But it wasn't until friends in my church started adopting children from Haiti that the knowing hit my heart. It wasn't until I heard that mothers were feeding their starving kids mud pies to temporarily soothe the hunger that I thought for the first time, "What if I was THAT mother?"

And then I was standing among those struggling through life in Nicaragua...

What if that were MY small child, juggling fire at a busy intersection in Managua hoping for a few coins from passing vehicles?

What if that were MY husband, eating out of trash cans?

What if I died and that were MY child languishing in a orphanage viewing from a distance people who had someone to belong to?

When I came home to the United States, God showed me the ones I had not noticed before...

What it that were MY grandpa, panhandling on a median strip in Portland, Maine whispering "God Bless You" as he takes a dollar from a car window?

What if that were MY sister, living in a shelter that she doesn't think is safe enough for her kids so much so that she is letting them stay with a father already deemed unfit to care for children?

What if that were MY brother, out of work and caught in the shame of not being able to provide for his family?

What if that were ME, a single mom huddling with her kids in a freezing house because I can't afford fuel?

Isn't it just too easy to talk about the guy you heard of who chose to panhandle because he could make more money there than at the job some other guy you heard about offered him? Does it make us sleep better when we ignore those desperate and drowning because we know of others taking advantage of help?

Is it easier to ignore the millions of kids overseas that need help because we think people should adopt American kids first? So now we get to ignore the ones overseas AND at home?

Is it easier to ignore a suffering world when we point a finger at God and ask how He lets it happen? When do we start considering that He might have put us here to be His instruments to ease suffering? When do we stop trying to get richer and start trying to be a blessing?

When will we stop spiritualizing, waiting for God to write for us in the sky what He already wrote in His Bible? As missionary Jim Elliot said to one of his friends, "You don't need a call, you need a kick in the pants!"

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.' ~Matthew 25:40

What happens when the LEAST OF THESE has a name you recognize? Who will you HOPE rises up?

Keeping First things First!

It's hit me. I am returning to Nicaragua in October for a short visit with 9 others from my church who are more my family than my friends! And just like that...my life snaps into focus...

"Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven."

Those things that can get under my skin and fool me into thinking they're important start to fade: a leaky roof, a car that failed inspection, nearly new kid pants with holes already in the knees...

Life is so much bigger than my own little world.

I am both excited and sober about my upcoming trip. I want it to count. I want to bring hope, love, encouragement to the people I meet. The time there will be short!!

I can't believe I am going there with 98% of my best friends on the planet!!! I am excited to lock arms with my friends and serve together!

Last time I was there it was to bond with our 4 children and to bring them home. We hunkered down in our rental home to become a family. This time it will be about reaching OUT. We'll be bringing Bibles and Christian literature, providing food and clothing. We'll be celebrating and spending time with girls in a protection center. 

"They Kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven."

Locking Arms, Mother to Mother

My husband and I and 6 of our 7 kids recently participated in a "Walk for Life" to support under-resourced mom's through Alpha Pregnancy Resource Center. What a joy to help loving moms KEEP their babies!!!

On three different occasions over the Mother's Day weekend, I heard the voice of a mother say in essence, "I feel like such a failure I don't want to be celebrated." Two comments came from "real life mom's" and one comment in the movie "Mom's Day Out." In one of the apex moments of the movie the husband of the main character says:

"Hun, your job is..."
She says, "Hard, I know..."
He says, "Important. I was going to say, 'important.'"

So true!! I've spent much time over the past couple of years thinking deeply about the role of a mom (and dad!). If you have to wonder how important your role is, spend some time with some kids who have lost their parents. It really doesn't matter how IMperfect mom and dad are, kids want to be with their parents. RIGHT?

Being a parent is aMAZing! Isn't it? It's a unique love like no other. From day 1 a parent would lay down their LIFE for their child. They would give up every penny for the sake of that child. We play, we laugh, we sing, we ENJOY our kids!

But don't we get worn? Don't we burn out? Don't we suffer discouragement? Isn't it hard? Don't we at times feel like FAILURES? Are we not DRIVEN to our knees begging God for strength, wisdom, ability, hope? Seriously, if I didn't believe with ALL my HEART that God loves these kids more than I can comprehend, I just don't know if I could face the challenges of parenting without falling into despair. I've got GREAT KIDS! But I am limited in that I can ONLY do my best!! And that is NOT enough! But I know we have GOD'S best on our side!!

"...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

And, hopefully, we have each other!!! We encourage each other, teach each other, and help each other! I know that many times, this isn't happening. Here is what I do... I pray to God to send me the help I need! I put it in God's capable hands. He knows exactly what I need. Some seasons I need people to come along side me. Some seasons I need to rely on God to give me strength and to grow in Him! I trust God to send the help I need (Of course, it's okay to ask for help to when there are people to ask.).

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11

When help comes I am thankful. When help doesn't come I am trusting that God is doing a work in me! (That's the goal, anyway. You all know I'm not perfect!). 

Many times my refreshment comes from the blessing of helping other moms. It feels good to help others, especially since I have been helped and know how much it has meant to me. 

"A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed." ~Proverbs 11:25

I've seen the dark side of "mother to mother" relationships where moms are comparing and competing and judging and complaining. ICK! None of us can run away from THAT fast enough! 

But when we lock arms in encouragement and love and help...what a force we are!! Babysitting, cheerleading, praying, teaching, cooking, cleaning, buying flowers, visiting, reaching out and bringing hope...the list goes on and on! It's so much more fun to cross finish lines in good company!

One Little Step...

We love making lapbooks from our studies! 

"If everyone would do what they COULD do without worrying about what they COULDN'T do, a lot more would get done." ~Bill Hybels in his study, Walk Across the Room.

~I only have a week to go on a missions trip. That's not enough. I'll do more harm than good. I should just do something else with the money.

~I'm too shy to knock on someone's door. I can't share my faith. 

~I only have $10. Why bother giving THAT towards their missions trip? It won't make a dent. 

Have you ever noticed how often you are stopped because you think what you have in your hands is not enough? Have you ever noticed how often you are stopped because you read an article that someone imported onto Facebook or Twitter that said you shouldn't do it or give it? 

If I had a dollar for every time I've seen an article that said we should stop short term missions altogether...well, I'd have a lot of dollars!!

But if my husband had listened...and hadn't gone where God said to go...though he was only on the ground for 5 days...we'd have 4 less blessings at our supper table each night...and a dream would be unrealized...and 4 kids would likely still be in an orphanage...

And these friends of mine...who said *yes* to a week in Equador...would not have gone back for 6 years to serve...

Or what if we have plenty to give? Will we listen to other's who tell us where that would best be put when God is calling us to something that seems ridiculous?

I remember a story of Beth Guckenberger who had gone on a short term missions trip to Costa Rica as a teenager. She welcomed refugees coming over the border from Nicaragua. Before leaving, she asked the director what the greatest physical need was. "Clothes," he responded. She went home determined to gather used clothing to send. Her parents agreed to pay to send those clothes to Costa Rica for her. Years later, when she went to send a simple box to Mexico, she realized the ridiculous cost her parents paid to send used clothes to Costa Rica. If they had sent that MONEY, the director could have bought NEW clothes. She didn't even make it out of the post office before calling her mother and asking why her parents spent all that money to send used clothes to Costa Rica. Her mother's answer? They believed God was telling them to do it and they saw something bigger happening; their daughter had a new passion to serve God by serving the poor. Beth also recognized this was the original spark that eventually led to what is now: Back2Back ministries which comes alongside ministries already serving the orphan. Beth has also written several books that spread the hope of Jesus and lights a fire for others to serve. What if her parents hadn't been open to doing the ridiculous?

What if we just gave what was in our hand and heart to give? What if we just served God with tunnel vision, our eyes stayed on HIS leading and HIS Word? What would be different? What if we stopped over thinking and talking ourselves out of every service idea that comes to mind? What would happen if we stopped thinking we didn't have enough and just gave what we had...one dollar...one week... What BIG dreams could start from one.little.step?

The poor widow that Jesus spoke of...she gave what she had and it surely wasn't much!! But it was what she had and she didn't let having little stop her from giving. She had no idea that the God of the Universe would be the one to tell her story to every following generation!! She stands as our example. What we have in our hands is little, but plenty when put in the hands of our great multiplying God!! He makes much out of our little!

As I think of the week long missions trip to Nicaragua in October that my girlfriends and I are taking...I wonder with great excitement about what God will do!! Will some soul find Him as we share? Will a big missionary journey start from a small one? Will God show someone something they could not have discovered another way? Will a week turn into a lifetime? Will long term relationships start from a short term one? Will someone say, "THIS is when God showed me...", "THIS was the moment I knew...", "THIS started it all...", "After THIS day, everything changed...", "THIS was when I discovered I was loved, beautiful, worth it, special, created with love, had purpose..." Is it worth the time and money to get a front row seat to see God work? To be a part of that work? Oh my, YES! Will we let ourselves get talked out of following God even if it doesn't seem to make sense or show up on the bottom line? Heck NO!

Sitting across from the temple treasury, He watched how the crowd dropped money into the treasury. Many rich people were putting in large sums. And a poor widow came and dropped in two tiny coins worth very little. Summoning His disciples, He said to them, “I assure you: This poor widow has put in more than all those giving to the temple treasury. For they all gave out of their surplus, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she possessed—all she had to live on.” ~Mark 12:41-44

More Alike

The person who lives in this house is just like me, with the same needs, hopes, and dreams.

When I was in High School I went through a time period where people were changing and some of my friendships were breaking down. It was a very difficult time but a life changing time as well. I was driven to form friendships with people I formerly thought were too different from me to have any kind of relationship with. What I learned was that if I listened to someone's story for a long enough time, I would discover many points of reference that we had in common. I realized that given enough time, we would realize we were more alike than we were different. It didn't matter who it was.

Over the years, I have learned and re-learned this lesson. I am put in a situation where I think the person who's face I am staring into will never be someone I can relate to. But if I am willing to listen, long enough and closely enough, I will find what we share. Sometimes I must listen longer, sometimes I must get over myself and be uncomfortable long enough to get comfortable (does that make sense?).

Often when I am pursuing a new dream, many of the fears relate to walking into situations where I don't know a soul knowing I am there to dive in with help and hope.

Recently, I showed up at a stranger's door who needed a ride to the doctor. Oh, I was shaking in my boots and praying and singing worship songs all the way to that door. Out the same door walked...someone like me... Why was I afraid?

And I remember driving from the airport in Managua, Nicaragua to meet my four children...scared to DEATH! What if they don't like me? What if they don't want someone else to call "Mama"? But immediately one was always hugging me and telling me "I love you" (and I knew that really meant "I don't know you but how I love that there is someone who wants me to say "Mama" to her and who will BE "Mama") and another who would hold the back edge of my shirt as I made my way throughout the house. I was once a child who just wanted love and belonging and now there were four more who just wanted the same. And we were just alike. And even the ones who were scared to approach me and scared of what I might do, I thought about how I would feel and the fears that I had struggled through and I knew we were more the same than different.

As I think of my upcoming trip to Nicaragua in October, I am tempted to fear as I always do. But then I remind myself. We are the same. We are wrapped in different languages, different cultures, different experiences. But we all need hope and help and encouragement. We all need Jesus. We all fear. If I am willing to listen, I will hear the familiar.

If my present dream comes true, to reach out to the Spanish speaking people in my neighboring city and plant a Bible Study and come along side them with help and hope...I know there does not need to be fear. I know God will show me...that we are the same.

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love." ~1 John 4:18

The truth of this verse is that as I reach out in love I need not fear. The opposite of fear is not courage, but rather it is LOVE. Loving another over my own fears, caring more about helping than protecting myself. LOVE is the great secret. 

I never go in alone. God's perfect love for me is what I am armed with. He forever loves me and protects me and guides me and sustains me. I need no other resource. I need no other Word but His. 

"The Lord has given me the tongue of a teacher, that I may know how to sustain the weary with a word. Morning by morning he waken--wakens my ear to listen as those who are taught." ~Isaiah 50:4

NICARAGUA!!!!

To my dear loved ones,

When my former family of 5 returned home from Nicaragua as a family of 9 on Jan. 14, 2013, someone (a few someones) asked if I would ever return. I said, "I imagine I will, but it will be a LONG time from now!" God keeps His plans a secret at times; I'm on a "need to know" basis with God and he knew I "couldn't handle the truth" in that moment!
I am so EXCITED to BE excited that I am returning to Nicaragua and serving alongside ladies with whom I study the Bible and live out the gospel daily. These were many of the people who held me up and held me before God's throne through my entire adoption process. I am pinching myself that these 6 dear friends and three teenage daughters are coming to Nicaragua with me.
We will be serving at the Emmanuel House of Protection in Diriamba Nicaragua (20 minutes from where I lived). This ministry serves at risk girls providing lodging, educational aid, spiritual discipleship, and transitional support. Some of these young girls are mother themselves, some are orphaned, some go home on weekends, and even one is not a girl at all but an orphaned handicapped boy. The director's family is someone I met while living in Nicaragua and they were a great support to my family. They are guiding us through our team leader, Tina Williams, to make sure not one penny or one minute is wasted!
While there, we will be teaching a week long Bible study to the girls as well as spending time with them as they are available, and hopefully even teaching them skills such as crocheting or hand sewing.  We will be surprising them with a "group birthday party" complete with presents. Also, and we are so excited about this, we engaging the girls' help to put on an appreciation dinner for the staff of the Protection Center. These folks have very little money to support their own families. When others come to bless the residents, these dear ones look on and go home not being able to provide the same for their own families. We're turning the tables on this trip and making sure the blessings are spread ALL around. We hope to send each one home from our dinner with at least a basket of food and a family Bible (Would you believe the cost of a Bible is a week's salary for many working folks in Nicaragua?).
Would you join me in praying for God's complete provision for this trip? Each team member will need to raise a minimum of $1000-$1200 for trip expenses and this does not include the supplies and items I mentioned above. Every penny raised above our support will go to the people we serve. Would you pray that those God calls to give will be obedient to that call? Would you pray for our team, that we would be sensitive and obedient to our call and all it entails to go and serve and share the gospel? Pray that we would be unified as a team, loving with God's love, and bold in sharing the hope of the gospel with everyone we meet. Would you pray for our families who we leave behind for the week, especially for those husbands taking off work time to stand in our place?
If God has called you to help financially for this trip you can make your check out to Lakeside Community Church. Please mail your check to Lakeside Community Church, P.O. Box 386, N. Waterboro, ME 04061.  Extra funds will go to my other 9 team members and the gifts, Bibles and food we are providing. If you would like to use Paypal, please contact me at Karen.Twombly@gmail.com and I will make that available to you. Thank you!!
“Isn’t the fast I choose: To break the chains of wickedness, to untie the ropes of the yoke, to set the oppressed free, and to tear off every yoke? Is it not to share your bread with the hungry, to bring the poor and homeless into your house, to clothe the naked when you see him, and not to ignore your own flesh and blood? Then your light will appear like the dawn, and your recovery will come quickly. Your righteousness will go before you, and the Lord’s glory will be your rear guard.  At that time, when you call, the Lord will answer; when you cry out, He will say, ‘Here I am.’ ~Isaiah 58:6-9
Lovingly in Christ
Karen Twombly

Yes, You Could!!

We had a great time at my aunt's 80th birthday party this past weekend and my younger 4 children got to meet lots of family for the first time!

Family Update: I know there are some people who read this blog who knew my children before I did and right now they must be thinking about how TALL they all are!! Seriously these kids have been growing at lightening speed!! They are growing tall and we are growing together!! We are working hard on our school work and still keeping a simple family schedule. We're not doing a ton of organized sports or activities. We're focused on relationships to each other and our friends. So when we're busy, it's busy being with loved ones both friend and family. We've been in the States for 14 months!! Our 4 sweeties are definitely bi-lingual!! They have not lost their Spanish and help each other (and the rest of us) with both languages. Eva, my youngest, is most often my Spanish teacher. Her patience with me is unending. Even when I am frustrated with my lack of knowledge of which form of a word to say, she is calm and keeps me on track! Fran is the king of "Spanish usage" and can explain all the different usages of each word! 

Often when I see people for the first time with my largish family, they tend to say: "I could NEVER do that." Usually the context is: "I could never have that many kids," or "I could never adopt 4 kids at once," or "I would not do that at MY age or stage of life" (as in an empty nester or someone close to an empty nest). 

And I am here to tell you: Yes you could!!! IF you were called by God...and when you are praying HIS heart (an caring for orphans is HIS HEART), why would he say "no?" Just like caring for widows and the poor and oppressed and sharing the gospel with all of these and building His Kingdom...

And with all the love in my heart let me speak some truth: MOST of us LIMIT ourselves by what we THINK we can do. Seriously, STOP IT!

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me." ~2 Corinthians 12:9

Another truth: There is NOTHING in me or my husband that gives us the ability to bring these 4 kids home and raise them but the POWER OF GOD!  Without HIM, we have nothing. WITH Him, the rest is "gravy". 

We did not have the abilities or the resources we needed AHEAD of time. Further, they did not magically appear the day the kids walked in the door. But God is developing those abilities in us. He is providing the resources day by day. He strengthens and matures us for the task as we continue to seek Him.

I believe we MOST glorify God when it is CLEAR to those around us that there is nothing in us to accomplish the task. Then, when we DO IT, it is also clear that it HAS to be GOD!! Then HE IS GLORIFIED!! Others are drawn to HIM and HIS KINGDOM as they WITNESS His work in US!! 

"Brothers, consider your calling: Not many are wise from a human perspective, not many powerful,not many of noble birth. Instead, God has chosen what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen what is weak in the world to shame the strong. God has chosen what is insignificant and despised in the world—what is viewed as nothing—to bring to nothing what is viewed as something, so that no one can boast in His presence.  But it is from Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who became God-given wisdom for us—our righteousness, sanctification, and redemption, in order that, as it is written: The one who boasts must boast in the Lord." ~1 Corinthians 1:26-30

So, I'm not gonna just smile anymore when someone says, "I could never do that!!" I am going to tell the truth, "Apart from Christ I can do nothing. With Christ, you can do it too!!" 

When you dream those ministry dreams, I hope you won't be limited by what you think YOU can do!!! I hope you think about what GOD can DO THROUGH YOU!!!

Doing what only GOD can do is aMAZING!!! Honestly, AMAZING! That step of faith feels like a CLIFF DIVE!! It's exhilarating...and exhausting...and awesome... It brings you to your knees, it makes you DESPERATE for God!! And on our knees is right where we need to be! 

Dream Realized, Work BEGINS!

Honestly, when I first wrote about "Dreams" I did not intend for it to become a series. But other thoughts begged to be written! (Here is Part 1: Dream a Little Dream and Part 2: Dream Gone Sideways )

Here's my thought today: In most cases once our Dream is realized, that is when the work REALLY BEGINS!

By "dreams" I am talking about those things we dream to do for God to contribute to building HIS KINGDOM. Maybe it's a new ministry (missionary, pastor {pastor's wife! ;) }, an adoption, orphan care, care of widows, the director of a pregnancy center, inner city ministry, prison ministry...I could go on and on). Often so much energy goes into the REALIZATION of the dream, that our energy is expended even before we start. We've spent sleepless nights praying like we never prayed before for provision and culmination. We've been on a paper chase, we've had to rely on God to move through the people that needed to see our dream too, we've had to trust in ways we've never had to trust before. We've suffered spiritual warfare and "push back".

FINALLY, our dream is realized. The right people said "yes", provision "came", we're over the moon with joy! The only pain in that moment is our "happy headache!" We enjoy a really nice "honeymoon", and our adrenaline makes us feel "super-human".

But at some point, the NEW becomes the NORMAL and our mortal bodies get tired. Now we're living in the HARD. In unguarded moments we might be tempted to think and say, "What have I DONE?" "Why did I think it would be a good idea to leave my former, peaceful life and BLOW.IT.UP?" "I didn't know it would be this HARD." We are officially at the end of ourselves!!

And you know what? At the end of ourselves can be the BEST place to be. In that moment we are desperate for God to show up! We have no energy of our own. We are depleted. We know if God doesn't strengthen us and give us His wisdom, that we won't be able to continue ANOTHER MINUTE.

When our own resources and strength are gone, then we KNOW we are living in the supernatural! We KNOW it is not us, but GOD. We wake up, no worry of forgetting to fall on our faces before God and beg for His mercies! We are searching the Bible for His promises that we can claim, we're spending time in worship needing to fill ourselves with the truth of Who God is and to put our focus on praising Him and claiming those truths, we determining to pray our way through the day (because that's the only way we'll make it through the WHOLE 24 hours)!

AND, in those moments when it's just so hard and you are just so tired and you wonder why in the world you started this journey...it is in those times it is good to remember how, at one time, it looked like your dream would not be realized! You remember when you had to lay it down, not knowing if God would give it back to you. It's good to remember that this would not have happened if God hadn't intervened and MADE it happen.  You may feel like you are in a desert but it's good to know you are in the RIGHT desert and that God has not left you!

Hopefully we come to a place where we realize it is all worth it!! After all, do we really want to stand before God's Throne someday WELL RESTED?? Or do we want to be completely SPENT doing His will?? Do we want to say we SAVED up everything He gave us and KEPT it to OURSELVES? Or do we want to say we SPENT it on others? Do we want to be MULTIPLIERS or HOARDERS? If you run a race, aren't you at least a little winded when it's over? If you aren't were you running your hardest?

In those times when it's HARD, I pray we all remember that we are not alone, that God is for us, that He will strengthen us and refresh us and clean us up and keep us going. I pray we will seek His face. I pray when we are hurt and tempted to be bitter, that we will let Him grow us and make us better! He will not forsake us, His mercies are new every morning.

Sidenote: I am surprised that my Bible does not automatically open to Isaiah 58! This has been my "go to" passage for a good 2 years now! Perhaps at some point I will have it memorized!!

"Is not this the kinds of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter--when you see the naked to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? THEN your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; THEN your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard. THEN you will call, and the Lord will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here I am.

If you do away with the yoke of oppression, and with the pointing finger and malicious talk, and if you spend yourselves on behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, THEN your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. 

Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called the Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings."

~Isaiah 58:6-12

Dreams Gone Sideways

In my last post (Dream a Little Dream) , I ended with the possibility that the dream you have concerning what you might like to do in service to God might have been planted by God. Today I thought I'd share a little of what I have learned travelling dreaming pathways.

Sometimes the dream takes over. I dreamed of adoption for at least 12 years. When I finally felt like God was moving us toward the "achieving part", I easily and quickly became obsessed. I started entering "bulldozer mode" and wanted to knock down anything and everything to get to the destination. It became my first and last thought of each day. I started out believing God had led us to this but became tempted to focus so much on my SERVICE to Him that I was forgetting HIM. I am thankful that God had me meeting with other sisters in Christ who were loving TRUTH SPEAKERS and would gently warn me when I got off course. But seeking must ALWAYS precede service.

"But seek first the Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you." Matthew 6:33

Dreams often require an awful lot of waiting. There can be so many reasons for this. Perhaps God is preparing us. He is definitely growing us and bringing us to spiritual maturity! Besides maturing me and preparing me for what He was actually planning, God was preparing me for a BIGGER plan that He had. I was dreaming of adopting one little one, God planned for 4. I was dreaming of adoption within the U.S., God was planning to send me to Nicaragua for 5 months. As my desire (dare I say "desperation"?) grew, God was able to bring me to places I would have not previously been willing to go. In my praying and seeking God to provide for this dream I had to lean into Him. As I waited for God to communicate to my husband (I was already so sure) I looked up every Bible passage on "the poor, the oppressed, the orphan, the widow" (and more) to make sure I was really praying the heart of God. I listened to countless hours of sermons to keep my mind on God and off being obsessed.

"I will lead the blind in a way they did not know; I will guide them on paths they have not known. I will turn darkness to light in front of them and rough places into level ground. This is what I will do for them, and I will not forsake them." ~Isaiah 42:16

In the end, you may need to lay down the dream and see if God lets you pick it back up again. The dream can go sideways. God's plans are bigger than ours. His perspective is eternal. There are things we can't see and don't understand. Maybe the goal was our "yes". Maybe it was a step toward another dream. This is where we must cling to Christ and our faith in His goodness for all we are worth. I remember a family called to serve as missionaries in another country. Everything looked like it was falling into place. And then the word "cancer" was uttered. The mom died. Some things we just don't understand on THIS side of eternity. When our kids' orphanage was closed and our lawyer did not know where are kids even were, in my mind I did not know if our dream would be realized but I did know I needed to lay it down as a sacrifice to God and see if He gave it back to me. (12 years previous after taking classes for our foster care license, I realized adopting was not in God's timing and I didn't know if it ever would be.) It can be a confusing time. But it's a time to reaffirm that our walk with God is more important than our dreams. It's a time to trust that He knows what is best and is the One in control. It's hard and heartbreaking. But it is a wake up call that the One we serve is so much more important than the SERVICE. And just because you had to lay down the dream DOES NOT MEAN you heard wrong, that you did not know God's will for you. It is so possible that He wanted you to walk that EXACT path. You have to trust Him with it. And even if you got it wrong, you have to trust that He can redeem it and use it for good.

"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, and your ways are not My ways." This is the Lord's declaration. "For as heaven is higher than earth, so my ways are higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts." ~Isaiah 55:8-9

It's good to support the dreamer. God made us to need each other! We are in community together. When another is walking through a fiery trial, we can be that cup of cold water. We can sit together with them in the heartbreak and remind them that they are loved by THE Everlasting God, that they are not forgotten. We don't need the right words (weren't Job's friends at their absolute BEST when they were QUIET?). Our presence and faithful prayers can speak volumes! We can love on them, support them, minister to them. A cooked meal, a listening ear, a ready hug can speak volumes. LOVE and AVAILABILITY are priceless jewels! It's okay if you can't make sense to things we just don't understand. And frankly, it's best not to try (it's how "foot in mouth" syndrome gets started). We can be the hands and feet of Jesus to the struggling dreamer who, through their dreaming, is an active living sacrifice! We're all in this together.

"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." ~Romans 12:15

Dream a Little Dream...

My head's been flying off in all different direction lately "dreamin' dreams". I have this "clear your schedule, something's coming" feeling. I have an itch to "dive into" something. It's been a heart whisper to God. I think up ideas and my heart whisper's to Him and then I wait until another idea hits and then I start up again and so on...  Crazy?

"Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart's desires." ~Psalm 37:4

I've heard Psalm 37:4 used for all sorts of "dreams". But I think if you take the whole Bible in then you'll bump into Matthew 6:33 before you dream of that car that costs more than you paid for your house...

"But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be provided for you." ~Matthew 6:33

And Haggai 1...here's a taste in verse 9...

"You expected much, but then it amounted to little. When you brought the harvest to your house, I ruined it. Why?" This is the declaration of the Lord of Hosts. "Because My house still lies in ruins, while each of you is busy with his own house. 

We're Kingdom builders, building GOD'S Kingdom. As your delight is in Him, you start dreaming with Him concerning the things that you learn are HIS priorities. The exciting part? God is All Powerful and All Mighty and He is a Miracle Maker and we get to be a part of building His UNSHAKABLE Kingdom! Around town or around the world, God uses people to build His Kingdom, to bring people to Himself, to Heal the Nations! And He provides for it all!

So dream and dream BIG! 

Have you ever thought of this? What would you do for in service to God if you KNEW it could not fail and you KNEW you would have the resources?? 

Would you start an orphan care ministry? Adopt? Would you plant a church? Would you reach out to help the homeless? Would you start city gardens to feed the hungry?  Serve in another country? Would you give away a million dollars to your favorite ministry?  

Then go back to that verse I started with...

"Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart's desires." ~Psalm 37:4

What is that "heart's desire", that dream of what you would do for the King of Kings? It might just be that thing He would desire to do through YOU. Maybe it wasn't YOUR idea, but His. Cool right?