Friday, February 21, 2014

Quest for Contentment

On the left is "the bomb" as I affectionately call it. It is our bedroom heat that is only on during the day because I am afraid of it. Then next is bucket #1 for water catching and then the red bucket #2 for more water catching and then the basket in the back of Math blocks because school supplies ooze everywhere!

In my post: Praying, Not Knowing , I talked a little about praying for what I feel like I need but being willing to NOT receive it and be pleased to live out GOD'S PLAN over my own. Didn't I make that sound easy peasy? I thought I'd just share the reality of my heart today over the quest of contentment...

Here's the "behind the scenes" of accepting that we are here in this house for now and trying to be content in it. I share it because I feel like we are all here in some way or another in our own lives. 

First, there is the determination to be content and to make it work. And so you make a plan and work your plan. You and your husband happily put your bedroom on the back porch so that there is enough bedroom space for all. After all, you've curtained the glass sliders and it feels kind of "campy" and not all that bad. You don't "hang out" in your bedroom during the day anyway. You just sleep there.

Second, you don't get around to getting that new "permanent" heating solution in before winter hits so you buy a bomb temporary heating solution (because it's okay that this purchase can't happen until next year) that you only leave on during the day because you are scared you will blow up in the night that is what is wise...and here is where the "contentment fun" begins...

You buy a nice electric blanket that has separate settings on each side so you and your husband can both be happy at the same time and all too soon, one side stops working. So you get out that old electric lap blanket for your husband's side the side that stopped working. All is good.

The little foxes have officially started spoiling the vine. 

You're suspicious that the headache you wake up with each morning is caused by your head knowing that it's not as warm in there as your electric blanket tells your body it is. 

And the smallness of the room is felt big time because your clothes and such just don't fit in there.

And then the pièce de résistance hits...you get sick...and you are too sick to sleep...on the very night...the roof starts leaking...so all you hear is drip...drip...dripdripdripdripdrip...as water hits the rug...then splash, splash, splashsplashsplash as it hits the bomb temporary heater...which gets you and your husband out of bed at 2 a.m. moving things and bringing in a line of buckets to catch the water.

Those little foxes pile up. Now I think it was a stupid idea to think we could make a bedroom from a porch that we knew had lots of structural issues. In the wee hours of those sleepless nights it doesn't matter the cost; it makes perfect sense to pay whatever is necessary to make things comfortable. There's nothing wrong with that, I rationalize. Now I'm aggravated with any idea or person who would challenge my determination to move out of this blasted house and into a house that works. My mind flips to gathering supporters and support...

Contentment is easy when everything is comfortable, isn't it? When you've got a plan and you're working your plan, it's all smooth sailing and verse quotingly awesome (yes, spell check, I made up the word "quotingly"). 

But on those days when you feel weak and tired and sick and sore and everything feels like it's falling apart...in those moments action feels like the only option. No price is too high. 

The fight is for rational, truth based thought. 

You'll survive long enough to make a wise decision. You can make it, spring is almost here, you've got time, it'll get better, you've got one kid in college and another heading that way soon, you don't want make a hasty decision you could regret more than the things driving you to action...

So here's to you who are also on a quest for contentment. I'm hanging on to truth with you through the dripdripdrip of a messy life. We can hang on together!! Somebody pass the umbrella!

"But godliness with contentment is a great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with these. But those who want to be rich fall into temptation, a trap, and many foolish and harmful desires, which plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, and by craving it, some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pains." ~1 Timothy 6:6-10


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