Friday, December 21, 2012

Ending Well

We're on the downhill slide. Our time in Nicaragua is nearing the end (We sure hope, anyway. There's a niggling concern that the judge has too many cases to read by Jan. 7th to hand down all the sentences, but we'll see.). We hope to be leaving or at least booking the flights one month from now.

"Hang on," I tell myself, "end well." 

I've learned so much on this journey, so much about God, so much about me, so much about "us" and who we are together as a family. We're far from perfect, we're quite a bit messy, but we're trying oh Lord we are trying! 

"Maybe you should make this phone call," my husband will say when it's time to call those we need to call concerning adoption information or house rental agreements, etc. 

"No, you call," I say because I don't trust my own tongue. His mouth naturally drips honey while mine is at times is tempted toward hydrochloric acid. So I find it best to keep my mouth shut and stay quiet. When we see these people face to face I smile and let him do the talking...and then I cry and fume later. 

Hands down hardest part of our journey is knowing when to stand and fight for our children and our family and when to be quiet and trust God to do the fighting for us. Because I do believe there are times He calls us to fight and times He calls us to be quiet and trust.

Hands down the easiest part of our journey is letting my husband lead. I'm in so far over my head that if he has some wisdom in how to deal, I'm all ears! 

I learned a few years ago that ultimately every issue with others or with life are ultimately between God and I. And I am trying to learn to go to Him with it first, second and last. I try to pray to Him, search His Word and toss every circumstance through His Truth filter. Then I try to respond with His Truth and not my own misguided version. But you know I fail sometimes, probably many times. It's a lesson to keep learning.

When Joseph was sold into slavery he learned that what man meant for evil God meant for good. 

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." ~Genesis 50:20

Does that mean he should thank his brothers for doing such a horrible thing to him? No, I really don't think so. I think it is a statement saying, "You hurt me. But God had the best planned for me in spite of your evil. It's because of Him that I can forgive you." 

I know that God can take horrible evil and work it out so that it works for my good, for my family's good. But He doesn't call those horrible things done to us "good". He just promises that as the Almighty God, He can turn it AROUND for my good. He turns me from "victim" to "victorious!"

I'll never call the needless delays, the lack of cooperation to get these kids home and the lies a "good thing". I'll never call *in*justice, *justice.* No, you won't hear that seep out of my mouth...ever. 

What I will do is praise my Almighty God for working things together for our good and for His Glory. I'll forgive those who wronged me because God has forgiven me when I wronged Him and wronged others. I'll forgive because peace comes when we do things God's way, and I want God's way. And I'll trust Him to right the wrongs, to know when to give mercy and when to bring judgement. 

And I'll trust that our family won't be *just fine*, but *better* for it. 

I'm learning how much God loves the orphan, the widow, the poor, the needy, the oppressed, the left out, the left behind, the unloved, the lost. I've learned in 2012 how much God wants us engaged and on His team of loving and sacrificing and bringing hope. And on my worst day, I'm very glad to be on His team. I pray I end well this little piece of journey. And I pray to begin well the next one. 

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28

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