Tuesday, June 5, 2012
He Chose the Weak Things...
I am so glad that God chooses the weak things of this world to confound the strong, because I am weak. I am not a hero, I am not strong. I am weak physically and given to fear. I have no incredible intelligence and no unique skills. I bring nothing extraordinary to the table. I can be so very timid.
When I was praying that God would move my husband's heart to embrace the call to adoption there were moments (over the last year particularly) when I just didn't think that was ever going to happen. Then over the past 5 months or so, I sensed an intensity of God moving me toward *something*. He was growing me toward new understandings and I was thirsting to be immersed in His Word and in the stories of those heroes of the faith, both of ancient times and more modern times.
I questioned God often as to why my heart was being turned inside out and my husband still seemed unaware of God's calling. I felt a still small *knowing* that it was going to take more work in my heart to be ready than in my husband's. I sensed that when God told my husband, that he would be ready to plow ahead and it would be too much for me if I did not have intense work done in my heart. My comfort zone was about to be breached at a much deeper level.
I've shared before that I asked God to break my heart to what breaks His. He answered that prayer more than I could have asked or imagined. He didn't just break my heart, He snapped it in half. It was a thorough breaking...but in a good way. It hurt, but felt very cleansing. There was a clarity of thought and a vision of truth that I did not have before. There was an appreciation for the words of Jesus that was not there before.
Before my view of adoption was more neat and tidy. One English speaking young girl who could share a room with the one daughter I already have was on my own mind. That would have been a wonderful thing to do but not what God had in mind. It was another "no deeper" message.
We started praying on April 17th that God would show us where our children are. We tried to not have a preference but to ask willingly for where ever.
Small excuses and plenty of fears kept me from taking a short term (one week) missions trip to another country. Now I will spend about 3 months in a foreign, poverty stricken country to bring my kids home.
You mean THERE, Lord? Would you go there if your children were trapped there?? Yes, without hesitation. So, onward we go because God has given us children there. "He sets the lonely in families..." (Psalm 68:6) I've lost track of how long I've been asking God to do some "setting."
I don't think too far ahead. At first I tried to get the information for the WHOLE journey. Now, I've stopped. It's too overwhelming all in one lump. Fear threatens me. God gives me grace for the day. I find out the next step when I complete the last. I trust God has a plan for the future steps. The financial provision is the same. I trust God for provision for each step and each day of my manna.
I am not brave or bold. I am not physically strong. But I believe I am called. I believe God is stronger than I am weak and I believe He can make me bold.
I don't believe I can do any of this, both the immediate things and the future things. But I believe in what God can do through me. My weakness will be the advantage as it will bring glory to HIM. All I know is that I am a mother and I can be that for kids who need one as God empowers me.
"For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength.
Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let him who boasts boast in the Lord.” ~1 Cor. 1:25-31