Sunday, January 23, 2011

Pardon Me...I'm in Surgery!

"For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."  Hebrews 4:12

When my pastor recently preached on the above verse, he talked about how God's Word "fillet's us" and "lays up open." It's a beautiful thing when that happens; sometimes painful but a good pain because it brings healing with it.

Today's church service was "that" kind of service. Sweet worship with the comforting words that Jesus has paid it all, that God loves me thoroughly in spite of my sin, that God is mighty. I was reminded that even thought I don't have it all figured out, that God has it all figured out and He is in control. Healing words.  I wish I could remember all the songs we sang. Some were new to me and I'd love to post them here. Then there was the testimony and report from a friend returning home from Haiti. Hearing about the children there just broke my mother's heart in two.

Then, in comes the sermon, given by our pastor who got a fresh look at God's love and grace as he too has just returned from Haiti. God really spoke to me (that sentence doesn't do it justice). He gave me some clues concerning matters in my heart, He made sense of feelings that have been giving me confusion, He gave a brief light into the "why's" that so often illude me. I am feeling that "filleting" and the pastor says something to the effect of, "Just this one more thought and I'll close." I am thinking, "No, you can't end now! I am on the verge of something here and I need more time!!"

Yes, you can stay righ there and do business with God or go forward and pray at the altar. But then loving, caring people are going to come up and offer to help and you haven't figured out how to even put words to your feelings yet so what would you say? But getting up and leaving means carrying on and thinking about feeding the family lunch, getting certain ones to their meetings, tidying the house and all those other normal things. I want to say to my life: "Pardon me, I am in the middle of surgery...and no I am not the surgeon...I am the one on the table!" The best I can do is say, "God I am marking this moment. Help me to hold these thoughts without losing them. Help me to hold Your business with me as my highest priority. Continue your surgery in me."

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