Tuesday, April 2, 2013

What I did Wrong

When my husband and I made the decision to adopt four kids despite being in our...cough, cough...mid to upper 40's I knew things would be different this time.

When we had our first three kids, I honestly don't ever remember asking for help for the day to day stuff. I just felt like I was suppose to be able to do it on my own. And I did... When all three were "born and accounted for" my husband was a pastor with another job on the side. Honestly, those were TOUGH years. At different times in that period it was nearly my UNDOING. (Oh, if I could go back I would so do it differently!) Those times when people stepped in without being asked really stand out to me and I will never forget them.

I'm thankfully in a different place now. God has surrounded me with church family and dear friends who understand that I couldn't possible have it all together (because NONE of us do). They know I can be messy and weak. It's been a work of God in my heart to be able to admit and show that I don't have it all together. In years past I was afraid people would think less of me and their opinions meant way to much to me. It was quite a process for God to strip away all of that pride and fake strength so that He could impart His TRUE strength.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Once I could be honest about my weaknesses, rather than judgement from others I heard, "Me TOO!" And, as a bonus, I found other friends who were "real". 

God has us, by His grace, in a church that has a great big heart for the orphaned, the widowed, the poor, and the oppressed (Not saying other churches don't, just saying I am glad to be where I am). To say we have gotten support in our adoption journey would be a HUGE understatement. 

We are NOT doing this alone. Others are helping. I know longer grit my teeth and bear a bad day alone. I call out to God and I call out to trusted friends. What a difference!! And what joy I find in helping others too. It's just FUN to all be in "it" together!

That need to put on a front of false strength and go it alone is such a deception. It was my pride and it was wrong and not helpful to me or anyone else. It makes others wonder what is so wrong with them that they can not "do it all" on their own. It hurts me because I really need the help and it is just discouraging to keep trying and failing. It hurts my family because I become hard to live with. It's a freeing shell to shed!! 

"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2

1 comment:

  1. You are truly blessed to have others around willing and able to help.

    When we went to Africa for a month to bring home 3 adopted older siblings, we left 7 kids home alone . . . for a month . . . with no friends or family stepping up to help. Not one offer of help for 7 children left home alone (and homeschooling) for a month (the oldest being 21).

    When 2 of our 3 newly adopted children turned out to have severe RAD (and we had 7 other children still living at home) . . . we had not one friend or family member step up to help.

    When one of the adopted teens was found to be abusing a younger sibling . . .

    When we had to find respite for this teen . . .

    When the respite family filed false charges against us . . .

    When we walked through an awful investigation . . .

    When we were found guilty . . .

    we were completely abandoned by our church family and all local friends.

    We didn't set out to "do it alone".
    We would have loved it if we had someone to call for help.

    Yes. You are truly blessed to have the support that you have.

    mama of 12


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