Biological Mother, Birth Mother...I call her "first mother." She was their "first mother", I am their "last mother."
I think of her often and pray for her when my thoughts turn toward her. I pray that she will make Jesus her Savior and give Him her whole heart. I pray she will be healed of her hurts.
I don't know much about her. I have a name. I have thoughts from others who have met her. I have what I have been told. Nothing else. I know God knows it all. I rest in His knowledge. I do what I am led to do which is pray.
I have no fear of the possibility of her re-entering my children's lives. That's in God's hands. Early in our adoption process, when my kids were quickly moved from one orphanage to another, God taught (warned?) me that this is His deal and not mine and I had better hold it all loosely and keep our future in His hands. Painful things in life happen. You can fight with God over it or you can embrace the love, comfort, healing and yes, teaching, that He wants to give you. You can come out better or bitter. I've chosen both in my past and seen the result of both. I want "better." And I believe fiercely that God has a hope and a future for each of my children. I hold on to that like a life raft on a stormy ocean! I don't know the twists and turns of the path for any of my 7 children but I do know this life holds pain and hardship along with joy and happiness. And I know if my kids choose to put their whole lives in God's hands that His last word is always "peace."
I do not compete with her. She is their "first mom". She gave them life and a name. I am so grateful to her for that! And in a way that surprises me, I feel love and compassion for her.
God always wants restoration and I know that is the healthy choice. I speak restoration and pray for restoration. When any of us puts our faith in Jesus and make Him the Lord of our lives, Heaven is our destination. When we get there, we are promised to "be like Him for we shall see Him as He is" (1 John 3:2). There is SOOOO much hope in that, knowing we will be "made perfect." This means that if two sides of a broken relationship end up in Heaven, there is restoration. There is the relationship you wished you could have had. There's a better relationship than you ever dreamed. In that day, she can be the perfect mom and I can be the perfect mom and we can love together perfectly.
I happened to just now see this verse when I clicked over to Facebook...and it's perfect...
"Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save,
nor his ear too dull to hear." ~Isaiah 59:1