Monday, August 27, 2012
THAT Kind of Person
There is much beauty in Nicaragua. Rising volcanoes, large lakes, flowers in bloom, and fruits of various kinds hanging from trees all adorn the country. The people are friendly and the breezes begin to blow in the late afternoon.
Yet it is hard here. There is a loss of independence. We did not move here, we came temporarily. So we continue to support our house in Maine. We have no car here. You don't just decide you need something and go and get it. The trip along with the item must be budgeted. It's a big adjustment. I am spoiled and used to going and doing at will...
My teenagers have left all that is familiar along with their friends. Family is enjoyed but the days can get long for them. We don't know when we will leave so I cannot help them pace themselves. I really cannot help them much at all. They must lean of the same Savior as I do.
We are seeking to live the Bible we've read and the songs we've sung in a new way. When darkness covers our eyes we must fight to see His Light.
I had begun to sink. My eyes were off the Savior.
Last night I went to bed determined to reclaim the peace I had already been given but was not utilizing. I woke up anxious and praying at 3:30 a.m.
God's peace claimed me once more as I read:
"Because you are my help, I will sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:7-8
"Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." Psalm 105:4
I've been thinking this week about what it would feel like to be a missionary. I don't think I ever realized what they left behind and the struggles they would face ahead. I just knew they were making that choice and thought they were "the kind of person who can do that" just like I am suddenly "the kind of person who can adopt 4 kids at once."
So now I know better. I am not "that kind of person" who can adopt 4 kids at once or live in a foreign country behind a 15 ft wall or anything else for that matter. But GOD is THAT in ME. And it's a day to day life, to be taken a moment at a time with HIM, not a week at a time and sometimes not even the whole day in it's entirety. There are daily struggles and joys and defeat and triumph. And there are lessons and blessings (4 big ones in each sweet little new face) and a daily turning from believing that there are curses hidden.
All those missionaries with their smiles and power points? They are not THAT kind of person either, unless THAT kind means they said YES when God said GO.
There's certain comfort in NOT having to be THAT kind of person but instead relying on THAT kind of God who gives us the daily strength, daily abilities and wisdom, daily determination to try again...
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit;apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5