Thursday, March 15, 2012

Hit the Brakes!

Are you dreaming of the beach? I thought I'd give you a pretty picture to look at. :) 

It's been a week lived at break neck speed! I am sure we all have those! Everything piled up and when I noticed I honestly could have pushed some commitments off to next week but I decided to just put my head down and plow through instead. Today I woke up just exhausted! 

My daughter woke up with a cold...and now perhaps a bit of a fever...screeeeeeeech...HIT THE BRAKES! 

Suddenly my week stops as fast as it started! Now there's time to rest, to chat, to reflect, to read... I can't complain (though I do wish my poor girl wasn't sick). I will miss the things I was going to do as they are all good things. But I don't get too sad when missing them includes time at home (have I ever told you I love being home and could easily become "addicted" to time at home?). 

I've been continuing to pray and ask God "what's next?" for our family. I believe there is more he wants us to do to help the poor, the desolate, the orphan and the widow. So many Bible passages all the way through about God's heart for these who struggle. We can help in our small ways even now, but I feel there is something "more." And so I search and I ask God questions and I search more in the Bible. 

God has been so faithful as I ask, to bring in front of me sermons and Christian books and Bible passages and people to help me with those answers. It's really quite amazing how I'll ask and then the answer will come. I hope to get to share more in detail at a later time. For now, I hope it encourages someone reading that if you have questions to take them to God who knows ALL THINGS. 

There is one little detail I'll share. I am standing at a cross road. In one direction is the "easy life", the one where life slows down and money is not so tight and vacations are possible. It's the life where you serve in the church and do "your part" as you have time and "give what you can." In the other direction is the "radical life". It's the one where you become a crazy person and give until it looks "foolish" and take care of more people than anyone thinks you should and give of yourself until there's nothing left. (I remember Amy Carmichael once said: "I'd rather wear out than rust out!")

So as I think over the choices...I find myself going to sleep peacefully dreaming about really spending myself and finding great joy in it as I drift off...only to awaken with truly selfish thoughts. I awaken reminded of the life of "leisure" where you do enough to get by but never really sacrifice. And my deceitful heart says, "Are you sure you know what you are doing? Because you are just about to achieve that life you always wanted where your bills are easily paid and you can afford a little ease and maybe even a pretty kitchen. Are you sure? No one would blame you..." Almost every morning for about 2 weeks at least this has gone on. It disappears as soon as I drink some coffee and come to my senses. Every morning it has taken me off guard in the haze of sleepiness. Until this morning...this morning I heard the familiar words and said...shut up! And the thoughts flew away...

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9

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