Behind My Highlight Reel

Those pictures...smiling faces, kids working together, family love, fun outings, interesting projects... That's all there. It's all truth. But...it's the HIGHLIGHT REEL. It's not the WHOLE story. Let me give you a peek BEHIND the highlight reel. 

"Step to the left kids; if I take your picture there then everyone will see the messy table."

"Let's clean the living room before we open birthday presents so I remember the fun and not the messy living room."

And that's the EASY part...

Behind the highlight reel are 

problems I can't solve...

hurts I can't heal...

strength needed I don't have...

wisdom I don't possess...

Behind the highlight reel...

Is a mom who is sometimes 

exhausted...

and grouchy...

and insecure...

and desperate for answers...

"How do you do *it all*?" they ask. 

I don't. I can't. I shouldn't. I won't.

No, I am not being hard on myself. I'm giving you a peek into the REAL reel.

When I am doing it right, I am recognizing that I cannot but God can IN me. I am crying out to God for strength and healing and rest and wisdom. I am desperately asking God to make up for my lack, to parent my kids despite my mistakes, to heal the hurts that I cannot, to heal the hurts I don't know about, to heal the hurts that I have caused. I am praying for the Holy Spirit to work in my kids hearts, I am asking the Good Shepherd to lead my kids, I am asking Jesus to save my kids. 

I ask God to lead me. I ask Him to favor His truth over the words of my heart, to over ride my instincts for what He knows it best. 

If I have a strength it is not in thinking I can do it or I have what it takes. It's in KNOWING and ACKNOWLEDGING that the good and the wisdom and the strength and the ability to not reside within me but within the God I have given my life to. 

We're messy, people. If you think differently I ask you to get to know us better. Our life is not charmed though we enjoy many blessings. We are only immune to the hardships God has said "no" to, but we do suffer hardships and trials like everyone. We love each other but many times suffer from a lack of love. 

We're real. 

Jesus said:
"Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit;apart from me you can do nothing." ~John 15:3-5

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." ~James 1:5

"Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD." ~Psalm 27:14