Not My Plan

                                  ("Papa" at our kids' Protection Center in Nicaragua!)

Today's blog post is one I will come back to again and again as a reminder to myself of Who's path I am walking and why I am walking it. 


God planted this dream of adoption in my heart and in my husband's heart. Once planted, it became something I desired and badly. I begged God to open this door. And He did. 


Immediately I had to be careful not to let the dream become more important than following God. Once the path opened I wanted to run down it and was tempted to leave my Good Shepherd behind if necessary. 


Over and over I have to remind myself that my greatest desire is to obey God and walk the path that HE wants me to walk. He is the Shepherd and I am the sheep. He leads, I follow. Wandering is dangerous and destructive. The Shepherd is in charge. 


When my desire to adopt the 4 children (that are already mine in my heart) becomes my first goal in life, then fear and worry and stress takes hold. Every day and moments through out the day, I have to re-center my heart and remember that my goal in life is to glorify my God and to follow Him. The sheep must only keep in mind to follow the Shepherd. 


"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me." John 10:27



Every day I have to say, "I will follow my Shepherd today." I know that He will lead me and my husband and family. I have learned that lesson already. I just have to follow. The Shepherd does not need to have a long conversation with His sheep every day and tell them every path that is on the itinerary. He only needs to go and His sheep follow. He calls and the sheep follows His familiar voice. 


I am tempted to take on the burden of the Shepherd and figure the whole process out. Then I make a plan and try to work my plan. And the obstacles, which are bigger than my abilities, pop up. And I get so very stressed and worried, and angry, and emotional. I was not designed to be in charge; I was designed to follow. 


My goal is not to get a judicial court that is in a country I don't understand with a language I can't speak to let me adopt 4 children. My goal is to follow my Shepherd. He will bring about HIS goals, HE has a plan and HE will work HIS plan. I will stand BEHIND Him. He will be the Shepherd and I will be the Sheep. It is IN THAT PLACE that I find peace and comfort and assurance. 


I don't know when my final paperwork will arrive from the U.S. government. Therefore I can't even book my flight to go. I don't know how much money this will require in the end. I don't know when I will get to bring these kids home. Every time I think I know something, it changes. Every plan I make becomes wasted busy work. It is abundantly clear that I am not in charge. And this is a BLESSING. God is in charge. 


"The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever." 

~Psalm 23