A Summer to Remember

As summer comes to a close...oh what a summer it was...one we will never forget...

As our firstborn son married the love of his life, a godly woman we couldn't wait to embrace into our family...

As our second born son became our second homeschool graduate...

As our youngest four children got to meet their Grandma Twombly for the first time and we all got a good long visit together...

And to be reunited with close friends from Nicaragua...

And then a visit from Grandma Dorr, Aunt Lori and cousin Alec...again our younger four meeting Aunt Lori and Alec for the first time...

And a bittersweet time of saying good-bye to Christian as he heads to college...we are so excited for him but will miss him so much between visits...

And we started our own first time journey of two being in Christian School...

While three stay home to continue homeschooling...

Goodbye to the Summer of 2015!! Thank you, God, for all these blessings. We will not forget! 

God Sees You Through Eyes of Love, Mama!

I know no more appropriate activity, then helping with Alpha Pregnancy Resource Center on Mothers Day Weekend

God Sees You Through His Eyes of Love, Mama

To all the Mama's raising their children, God sees you and He wants to help you with your hard task,

To all the Mama's raising a child borne to another woman, God sees you and will give you all you need to raise that child. He can heal their heart when they are struggling through abandonment and missing their first Mama,

To all the Mama's raising their kids alone, God sees you and He wants you to know that He is on the throne and you are NEVER alone, you have HIM,

To all the Mama's who have lost a child, God sees you and He will comfort your heart,

To all the Mama's with a child who has left in rebellion to you, God sees you and loves that child more than you ever could, He hears your prayers and desires to draw that child back,

To all the Mama's who gave up their child to give them what she could not, God sees you and knows your longing for them. He can soothe your heart and watch over your child.

To all the Mama's who have aborted a child, God sees you and loves you and will forgive you and heal your heart. 

God sees all the Mama's through His eyes of Love. Happy Mother's Day!!

Yesterday, I helped out with Alpha Pregnancy Resource Center's Walk for Life. I know of no better thing to do on Mother's Day Weekend. They do not walk AGAINST anyone or anything but FOR Mothers! 

They are there in Sanford, ME being the hands and feet of Jesus. They offer parenting classes, Bible Studies and friendship. They offer diapers and baby/children's clothes, formula and many other daily necessities. They offer post-abortion counseling. They offer support to the mother giving up their child for adoption. They offer training and support for those keeping their babies. They are there for Mothers, those who planned to be Mothers and those who did not. They do all they do with love and support. 

I support them because I want to support Mothers and their children. They are reaching families I cannot. They are seeking to honor God. I love how they love Mamas and I would stand with them any day!

“Can a mother forget the baby at her breast

and have no compassion on the child she has borne?

Though she may forget,

I will not forget you!

See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;

your walls are ever before me.Your children hasten back,

and those who laid you waste depart from you.

Lift up your eyes and look around;

all your children gather and come to you.

As surely as I live,” declares the Lord,

“you will wear them all as ornaments;

you will put them on, like a bride.

~Isaiah 49:15-18

Wearing Out My Heart

I remember when I shared with my sister in law that my husband was struggling with high blood pressure. She gave me some good advice about getting that taken care of since it would wear on and out his heart, making it work too hard. High blood pressure is dangerous and feels horrible. But you know what? Anxiety trumps high blood pressure any day of the week. It will wear.you.out. body and soul. 


"Anxiety in the heart of a man weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad." ~Proverbs 12:25


Anxiety happens when I have taken my cares and pile them up in my heart as problems I need to solve. I start to act like the god of my own life. I take it on and then it takes on me until it takes me over. Little by little the burdens pile high on my shoulders and weigh me down until I can barely breathe. I am wearing out my heart. 


"Cast all your cares upon the Lord, because he cares for you."  ~1 Peter 5:7


I am so thankful for a God that not only created me, not only loved me enough to die for me and adopt me as his child, but who loves me enough to take on my cares and worries. 


So today, my priority is to make a long stinkin' list of ALL my worries and cares and stresses and anxieties. I am laying them down. I am giving them over to God. I am going to let him figure them out, I am going to focus only on walking with him and doing the next thing and the next thing that is before me. I am going to stop walking in those things that only he can work out.


"When I am afraid, I will trust in you." ~Psalm 56:3


Can I get an "AMEN?" Who's with me? Who else is sick of staying up too late and waking up too early? Who else would like to give up tension headaches, an upset stomach and a tight chest? 


~Finances that don't add up...

~Heartbreak you watch in your children that you can't fix...

~Learning challenges in your kids...

~Loved ones that don't know Jesus...

~Health problems that doctors have no answers for...

~Future plans you wish you knew now...

~A to-do list longer than the day...

~A straying child...

~The house falling apart...or the cars doing the same only quicker...

~The impossibility of college costs...

~Relationship problems...


Like high blood pressure wears out the heart, so worry and anxiety take a terrible toll on our hearts and minds and souls. We're carrying things we were not built to carry. Would you make your small child carry the furniture during a move? Neither would our heavenly Father ask us to carry these burdens of ours. He tells us to give them to him because he loves us and he knows he has not built us to carry them. We need to give them to him so completely that we let him handle it and we stop worrying about it! Let's give it up and give it over!

"Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with you all." ~2 Thessalonians 3:16

Lifted

A little bit harried and a whole lot unorganized, we tumble out of the van and into the convenience store to grab our pizza, some drinks, and a bag of chips that will take more than a couple of minutes to agree upon...and on up to the register to pay. 

The kind woman at the register who carried my pizza for me says something I can't quite remember and then, "Aren't one of your kids missing?" Now she's got my attention...and the attention of the woman beside me... This is part where I look into her face and see whether she is judging me to be a hero or something akin to a crazy cat lady collecting too many cats. Either extreme misses the mark. I look at my four younger kids and for a minute I am not sure of the correct response...I am acutely aware that my mind might not be sharp enough this moment...

"Actually, there's a few missing." I know I have a question mark on my face as I try to figure out if she thinks there should be one more Nicaraguan with me or if she has met my older children.

"How many children do you HAVE?" she says politely and nicely but still emphasizing the word "have". 

"Seven," I say,"but only six living at home." Then I am asked the ages and rattle it all off as I've done this routine 100 times over...

The woman beside me comes to life..."Seven?" 

Here it comes...and I brace myself for whichever extreme she'll decide I am...

But instead...quietly...with friendship in her eyes she says...

"You must really love children to do what you do. I love children too!" 

"Yes, I do," I say, taken completely off guard.

And pizza paid for during the exchange, I walk out the door with my kids helping me carry our lunch and the same kind woman opening the door for me and chatting on about how awesome kids are and how her daughter is with her because she is home sick from school...and asking if I homeschool and breathing more encouragements my way. 

And just like that, there's an extra lift in my step and my own chaos of the day is forgotten and I am determined to enjoy greasy pizza with my kids and let the unorganized day that brought me to convenience store pizza be the start of an impromptu pizza party. 

And I remember that I can be that for others, and this is my prayer:

"The Sovereign LORD has given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed." ~Isaiah 50:4

I Shall Not Want

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.”
At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.
Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!” ~Mark 10:21-23

 I love when God takes something I've known a long time from the Bible and turns it upside down and shows me something new... The Rich Young Ruler...how often I've looked at him and thought that Jesus was simply revealing to this man that he had a god named "riches" and he needed to lay it down to follow Jesus. 

I've learned two new things from this man recently...

1. Sadness doesn't not mean change is on the way. This man walked away sad but didn't show any signs of changing his behavior. There was no repentance. Often I'll see my child sad when reprimanded but that doesn't mean they are sorry for what they have done and ready to change. I'll notice something in my own heart that is wrong and I'll be sad about it. But sadness doesn't necessarily equal change for me either. 

"Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." ~2 Corinthians 7:10

2. Jesus said, "Then come, follow me." Surrounding Jesus were other men who had left everything to follow him. They could have helped this man if he was willing. "I left a lucrative business...I left my loving family...I'm not sure my parents are still alive..." But he chose to walk away sad. The truth is, Jesus was asking him to LITERALLY follow him with his FEET. Like, come on, we're going and I have so much to show you!! Like, I promise you won't regret it if you come! Like, REALLY I have so much more to give you than your silly trinkets and baubles!! AND, how are you going to drag all that stuff with you if you go with me where I am going? And if you want to keep it and still come, who will take care of it? What if it gets stolen?? Wouldn't it be better to serve me with it by giving it to the poor and then come with me?

AND, how are you going to drag all that stuff with you if you go with me where I am going? And if you want to keep it and still come, who will take care of it? What if it gets stolen?? Wouldn't it be better to serve me with it by giving it to the poor and then come with me?

For all I have given up, I still hold on to so much. I want to save my baubles and shine up my trinkets. I want others to notice my pretty baubles and notice how well I shine my trinkets. Truth be known, it's also a lot of work to get rid of "stuff", what with sifting through it, lugging it to the car, dragging it to its destination, coming back for another load... And then it's hard to stem the tide of more stuff wanting to enter. You gotta be strong and broad shouldered. You gotta figure out what to do with birthdays and Christmas that would set a new pattern of life. Swimming upstream takes big energy!

But oh, to walk unencumbered! To not have to say, "But who will take of this while we're gone?" Or to be ABLE to say, "We're moving, let's spend the day and have everything packed by the end of it," instead of, "Friends are coming, we better spend the day picking up so they have a place to walk and sit." Can I get an amen?

Jesus was calling. The Rich Young Ruler didn't know what awaited him if he would just lose it all by blessing others and follow.

The Rich Young Ruler thought he had something to lose. So he held on tighter and lost it all. Sure, keep the baubles and the trinkets. But, beware because if you do that then you'll lose the real treasure!! 

My Manna

I've been fascinated lately with the thought of Manna, that food that God literally dropped from the sky onto the ground to provide for His people. I've mulled over the fact that the people were not allowed to save up provision for the next day. God would send more the next day. That current day's provision was enough for that day only.

"So the people of Israel did as they were told. Some gathered a lot, some only a little.But when they measured it out,everyone had just enough. Those who gathered a lot had nothing left over, and those who gathered only a little had enough. Each family had just what it needed.
Then Moses told them, “Do not keep any of it until morning.” But some of them didn't listen and kept some of it until morning. But by then it was full of maggots and had a terrible smell. Moses was very angry with them." ~Exodus 16:17-20
My manna is energy. God gives me what I need for each day. And then it's gone. And I am done. I cannot not borrow tomorrow's energy for use today. 

"Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, “The Lord is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him." ~Lamentations 3:22-24

Off to bed I go to do some reading and praying and then go to sleep. I read books from people living the same way I am...seeking to do God's will and build His Kingdom. I read people that are honest about their struggle, that don't always get it right, but who keep trying. I read people who inspire me to keep trying. I pray, begging God to make me into the woman He wants me to be. I am not unaware of my failings. But even these I have to lay in His hands. I pray for the desire and strength to do those things I am procrastinating. 

"Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always." ~1 Chronicles 16:11

I try to only work beyond the energy I've been given when I feel a specific conviction to do something I think God wants me to do right then. Earlier this week I had a failure in that area. I felt compelled to provide a meal and I was tired out and let myself just...not...  So I try again the next day to follow those "nudges" and not let *myself* get in the way. And this verse inspires me when I am so tired but there is more to do:

"Surely you remember, brothers and sisters, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you." ~1 Thessalonians 2:9

I remember missionary Amy Carmichael's words that there is always enough time to do the will of God, that God only has one thing for us to do in each moment. And I remember as I lay my head down on the pillow, exhausted and depleted and feeling like I can't do one more thing, that God's mercies are new every morning, that I don't have to do "tomorrow's work today." I can sleep knowing that a new day is ahead, with my manna for the day waiting for me when I awaken. 

Nicaragua

two weeks ago today...

we were wondering how to say goodbye,

we had been welcomed

loved

hugged

befriended,

we had laughed

we had cried

we had shared

we had celebrated 

we had danced,

we had done all we had prepared,

Bible Studies

craft projects

a birthday party

a staff appreciation party,

only one thing was left, 

the hardest thing,

goodbye...

sad to leave, 

glad to go home,

you wonder why it's so hard 

to go "back to life",

but it's always hard to be changed

while keeping company with what is the same,

it's hard to be remember,

you don't know what's best 

for another person,

only God knows,

and you must be content

to be your part

in their story.

yours is not to write the story,

or change the ending,

that is His alone.

yours is to love,

yours is to bring hope,

yours is to do what you've been called to do.

yours is to be ready,

in case you are called upon for more.

yours is to trust God,

and his love

which is infinitely more

than anything you could hope to give.

Locking Arms, Mother to Mother

My husband and I and 6 of our 7 kids recently participated in a "Walk for Life" to support under-resourced mom's through Alpha Pregnancy Resource Center. What a joy to help loving moms KEEP their babies!!!

On three different occasions over the Mother's Day weekend, I heard the voice of a mother say in essence, "I feel like such a failure I don't want to be celebrated." Two comments came from "real life mom's" and one comment in the movie "Mom's Day Out." In one of the apex moments of the movie the husband of the main character says:

"Hun, your job is..."
She says, "Hard, I know..."
He says, "Important. I was going to say, 'important.'"

So true!! I've spent much time over the past couple of years thinking deeply about the role of a mom (and dad!). If you have to wonder how important your role is, spend some time with some kids who have lost their parents. It really doesn't matter how IMperfect mom and dad are, kids want to be with their parents. RIGHT?

Being a parent is aMAZing! Isn't it? It's a unique love like no other. From day 1 a parent would lay down their LIFE for their child. They would give up every penny for the sake of that child. We play, we laugh, we sing, we ENJOY our kids!

But don't we get worn? Don't we burn out? Don't we suffer discouragement? Isn't it hard? Don't we at times feel like FAILURES? Are we not DRIVEN to our knees begging God for strength, wisdom, ability, hope? Seriously, if I didn't believe with ALL my HEART that God loves these kids more than I can comprehend, I just don't know if I could face the challenges of parenting without falling into despair. I've got GREAT KIDS! But I am limited in that I can ONLY do my best!! And that is NOT enough! But I know we have GOD'S best on our side!!

"...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

And, hopefully, we have each other!!! We encourage each other, teach each other, and help each other! I know that many times, this isn't happening. Here is what I do... I pray to God to send me the help I need! I put it in God's capable hands. He knows exactly what I need. Some seasons I need people to come along side me. Some seasons I need to rely on God to give me strength and to grow in Him! I trust God to send the help I need (Of course, it's okay to ask for help to when there are people to ask.).

"He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young." Isaiah 40:11

When help comes I am thankful. When help doesn't come I am trusting that God is doing a work in me! (That's the goal, anyway. You all know I'm not perfect!). 

Many times my refreshment comes from the blessing of helping other moms. It feels good to help others, especially since I have been helped and know how much it has meant to me. 

"A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed." ~Proverbs 11:25

I've seen the dark side of "mother to mother" relationships where moms are comparing and competing and judging and complaining. ICK! None of us can run away from THAT fast enough! 

But when we lock arms in encouragement and love and help...what a force we are!! Babysitting, cheerleading, praying, teaching, cooking, cleaning, buying flowers, visiting, reaching out and bringing hope...the list goes on and on! It's so much more fun to cross finish lines in good company!

Yes, You Could!!

We had a great time at my aunt's 80th birthday party this past weekend and my younger 4 children got to meet lots of family for the first time!

Family Update: I know there are some people who read this blog who knew my children before I did and right now they must be thinking about how TALL they all are!! Seriously these kids have been growing at lightening speed!! They are growing tall and we are growing together!! We are working hard on our school work and still keeping a simple family schedule. We're not doing a ton of organized sports or activities. We're focused on relationships to each other and our friends. So when we're busy, it's busy being with loved ones both friend and family. We've been in the States for 14 months!! Our 4 sweeties are definitely bi-lingual!! They have not lost their Spanish and help each other (and the rest of us) with both languages. Eva, my youngest, is most often my Spanish teacher. Her patience with me is unending. Even when I am frustrated with my lack of knowledge of which form of a word to say, she is calm and keeps me on track! Fran is the king of "Spanish usage" and can explain all the different usages of each word! 

Often when I see people for the first time with my largish family, they tend to say: "I could NEVER do that." Usually the context is: "I could never have that many kids," or "I could never adopt 4 kids at once," or "I would not do that at MY age or stage of life" (as in an empty nester or someone close to an empty nest). 

And I am here to tell you: Yes you could!!! IF you were called by God...and when you are praying HIS heart (an caring for orphans is HIS HEART), why would he say "no?" Just like caring for widows and the poor and oppressed and sharing the gospel with all of these and building His Kingdom...

And with all the love in my heart let me speak some truth: MOST of us LIMIT ourselves by what we THINK we can do. Seriously, STOP IT!

"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may reside in me." ~2 Corinthians 12:9

Another truth: There is NOTHING in me or my husband that gives us the ability to bring these 4 kids home and raise them but the POWER OF GOD!  Without HIM, we have nothing. WITH Him, the rest is "gravy". 

We did not have the abilities or the resources we needed AHEAD of time. Further, they did not magically appear the day the kids walked in the door. But God is developing those abilities in us. He is providing the resources day by day. He strengthens and matures us for the task as we continue to seek Him.

I believe we MOST glorify God when it is CLEAR to those around us that there is nothing in us to accomplish the task. Then, when we DO IT, it is also clear that it HAS to be GOD!! Then HE IS GLORIFIED!! Others are drawn to HIM and HIS KINGDOM as they WITNESS His work in US!! 

"Brothers, consider your calling: Not many are wise from a human perspective, not many powerful,not many of noble birth. Instead, God has chosen what is foolish in the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen what is weak in the world to shame the strong. God has chosen what is insignificant and despised in the world—what is viewed as nothing—to bring to nothing what is viewed as something, so that no one can boast in His presence.  But it is from Him that you are in Christ Jesus, who became God-given wisdom for us—our righteousness, sanctification, and redemption, in order that, as it is written: The one who boasts must boast in the Lord." ~1 Corinthians 1:26-30

So, I'm not gonna just smile anymore when someone says, "I could never do that!!" I am going to tell the truth, "Apart from Christ I can do nothing. With Christ, you can do it too!!" 

When you dream those ministry dreams, I hope you won't be limited by what you think YOU can do!!! I hope you think about what GOD can DO THROUGH YOU!!!

Doing what only GOD can do is aMAZING!!! Honestly, AMAZING! That step of faith feels like a CLIFF DIVE!! It's exhilarating...and exhausting...and awesome... It brings you to your knees, it makes you DESPERATE for God!! And on our knees is right where we need to be! 

Quest for Contentment

On the left is "the bomb" as I affectionately call it. It is our bedroom heat that is only on during the day because I am afraid of it. Then next is bucket #1 for water catching and then the red bucket #2 for more water catching and then the basket in the back of Math blocks because school supplies ooze everywhere!

In my post: Praying, Not Knowing , I talked a little about praying for what I feel like I need but being willing to NOT receive it and be pleased to live out GOD'S PLAN over my own. Didn't I make that sound easy peasy? I thought I'd just share the reality of my heart today over the quest of contentment...

Here's the "behind the scenes" of accepting that we are here in this house for now and trying to be content in it. I share it because I feel like we are all here in some way or another in our own lives. 

First, there is the determination to be content and to make it work. And so you make a plan and work your plan. You and your husband happily put your bedroom on the back porch so that there is enough bedroom space for all. After all, you've curtained the glass sliders and it feels kind of "campy" and not all that bad. You don't "hang out" in your bedroom during the day anyway. You just sleep there.

Second, you don't get around to getting that new "permanent" heating solution in before winter hits so you buy a bomb temporary heating solution (because it's okay that this purchase can't happen until next year) that you only leave on during the day because you are scared you will blow up in the night that is what is wise...and here is where the "contentment fun" begins...

You buy a nice electric blanket that has separate settings on each side so you and your husband can both be happy at the same time and all too soon, one side stops working. So you get out that old electric lap blanket for your husband's side the side that stopped working. All is good.

The little foxes have officially started spoiling the vine. 

You're suspicious that the headache you wake up with each morning is caused by your head knowing that it's not as warm in there as your electric blanket tells your body it is. 

And the smallness of the room is felt big time because your clothes and such just don't fit in there.

And then the pièce de résistance hits...you get sick...and you are too sick to sleep...on the very night...the roof starts leaking...so all you hear is drip...drip...dripdripdripdripdrip...as water hits the rug...then splash, splash, splashsplashsplash as it hits the bomb temporary heater...which gets you and your husband out of bed at 2 a.m. moving things and bringing in a line of buckets to catch the water.

Those little foxes pile up. Now I think it was a stupid idea to think we could make a bedroom from a porch that we knew had lots of structural issues. In the wee hours of those sleepless nights it doesn't matter the cost; it makes perfect sense to pay whatever is necessary to make things comfortable. There's nothing wrong with that, I rationalize. Now I'm aggravated with any idea or person who would challenge my determination to move out of this blasted house and into a house that works. My mind flips to gathering supporters and support...

Contentment is easy when everything is comfortable, isn't it? When you've got a plan and you're working your plan, it's all smooth sailing and verse quotingly awesome (yes, spell check, I made up the word "quotingly"). 

But on those days when you feel weak and tired and sick and sore and everything feels like it's falling apart...in those moments action feels like the only option. No price is too high. 

The fight is for rational, truth based thought. 

You'll survive long enough to make a wise decision. You can make it, spring is almost here, you've got time, it'll get better, you've got one kid in college and another heading that way soon, you don't want make a hasty decision you could regret more than the things driving you to action...

So here's to you who are also on a quest for contentment. I'm hanging on to truth with you through the dripdripdrip of a messy life. We can hang on together!! Somebody pass the umbrella!

"But godliness with contentment is a great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with these. But those who want to be rich fall into temptation, a trap, and many foolish and harmful desires, which plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, and by craving it, some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pains." ~1 Timothy 6:6-10

Praying, Not Knowing

Our home in spring

We've been home for one month over a year. This house that used to hold 5, holds 8 and sometimes 9 of us. Our table seats 8. We have 1 shower. And we love to have friends over and we have one fellowship group and one Bible study that meets here. We currently homeschool and hold curriculum for 6 grade levels. Oh, and our car seats 7 so when we travel together we're in 2 cars. Sometimes life feels quite *tight*. 

*Tight* is not a bad thing, it can have great purpose and be a good thing. We learn to move over for others, we learn to take turns, we learn to get along (strife in a tight space es no bueno), to share a chair. We learn it's not all about us in every moment. 

But there are days when I am crying out for space! I dream of more closets, a school room and a guest room. I dream of a big reliable van! Dreams turn into prayers sometimes. 

Let me give you a peek into how I pray. You can judge if it is a good or bad, right or wrong as you weigh it against God's Word. When there is a need in my heart I come before God with it. I know He CAN do all things. I know He has promised to meet our needs. I know He promised me that if I made His children my own children, He would provide (Isaiah 58!). 

But see, here's the thing... God might prefer us right where we are. He might like to see me get rid of extra stuff, put up some more shelving, and save money for grander purposes. He might be asking us to live very lean so we can help others. OR, He might GIVE us a bigger house (or provide for an addition). Honestly, I don't know. Often I pray out of a LACK of knowledge, trusting the One Who knows all things. 

This is my practice: I pray for it ALL and let God provide what He will. Sometimes I am so sure of His Will that I drive headlong toward it whether the provision has yet appeared or not. Other times I am not so sure and let Him show me through provision or lack thereof. And about a bigger house, I am not so sure. This may or may not be the time to get a bigger car. Who knows? I admit, I don't. But I trust that God has good things planned and I don't want to miss HIS good things by rushing to MY good things. His are always better than mine. 

My style (right word?) of praying began when I was very young. I was always taught and believed that God is good, that He cares about the small insignificant details of my life, and that I could go to Him with my cares. I don't remember ever NOT believing this. There was a few years in my early 20's of misunderstanding God and it led to lots of regretful living. But overall in my life, I have BELIEVED in God's love for His children! I have met many over my life who have mistakenly thought that *asking* is selfish and honestly, I don't get that thinking. "...casting all your care on Him, because He cares about you." 1 Peter 5:7

As a side note, I found the Autobiography of George Muller for 99 cents on Amazon for the Kindle and I snatched it up! This man knew how to pray in faith believing! He saw great provision from God for his ministry to the orphaned, to other missionaries, and in the distribution of Bibles and Christian literature. I am excited of what I will learn from him as I read his experiences in his own words! Here it is if you are interested: The Autobiography of George Muller .

So I am praying...and I am making "closet makeover plans" and plotting what I can get rid of...not out of a lack of faith but so that I am ready for God's Will...whatever that is. 

"The earth and everything in it,
the world and its inhabitants,
belong to the Lord;
for He laid its foundation on the seas
and established it on the rivers.
Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?
Who may stand in His holy place?
The one who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who has not set his mind on what is false,
and who has not sworn deceitfully.
He will receive blessing from the Lord,
and righteousness from the God of his salvation.
Such is the generation of those who seek Him,
who seek the face of the God of Jacob. Selah"
Psalm 24:1-6

I Saw a Man...

I saw a man at the intersection with a cardboard sign asking for help. I was in the wrong lane and wasn't sure what I wanted to do if I was IN the right lane. So I did my next errand and prayed a bit and then decided to get him a gift card from Wendy's. Unfortunately by the time I got the card and got back to the intersection, the man was nowhere to be found...so I tucked it in my purse.

Yesterday, I knew I'd be out shopping and remembered that card in my purse and said a prayer that God would show me the right person to give it to. Inside the holder of the card I had written: "God knows and he cares and I'll be praying for you today." Sure enough, there was a man at an intersection holding a cardboard sign asking for help and this time I WAS in the right lane. I quickly opened my window (the light was green so I wasn't stopped) and handed him the gift card. He smiled and said, "God bless you!!" 

I don't know what I thought he would look like, but he looked like somebody's sweet grandpa. His eyes were kind and his face was sweet. I think it'll be quite sometime before I forget him. And I made good on my promise to pray.

That night, we took the Youth Group kids from church to a county jail to pray for the inmates. Those interested wrote out requests for us to pray over. Our hearts just broke for the pain in those requests.

I don't know what I thought they would sound like, but most of the requests were not even for the inmates themselves but for their children and wives and other children of inmates. And there was mourning and regret...and need for redemption...and a leaning on Jesus...and a hope for forgiveness. Didn't we all need a second chance when God reached down in love to us? Haven't we all disappointed someone and needed forgiveness? Don't we all have areas we need to change but are helpless unless God does the changing? 

Yesterday was also a celebration day of another sort of "day in court". We celebrated one year since our adoption of our 4 younger children was finalized!! It was exciting to be sure!! We went to our favorite Chinese buffet and just enjoyed being together.

Yesterday was a crazy, hectic day. And yesterday was life changing. 

Which brings me to my "Word for 2014". Remember last year I chose "Steadfast?" This year's word actually goes well with last year's...

LOVE

I want to love like God. His love is STEADFAST! It's not just the cute cuddly love, it's the "meet you in the trenches and gut it out and I know it's messy but we're gonna get through this together" kind of love. It's the "I know you've blown up your life but I am going to stay with you and suffer with you and help you up and out" kind of love. It's a merciful kind of love. It's the kind of love that doesn't have a Hallmark card. I want that. I'm asking for that. I don't have it if God doesn't give it to me. 

"The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."  Lamentations 3:22-23 

It's Easy to Forget...

Get the breakfast out, get the school work going, work the shower schedule, load the washing machine, unload the dishwasher, get snacks out, finish up more school, create lunch, keep the laundry flowing, fold the laundry, hand out a chore, make sure schoolwork is done, think about correcting papers, run errands, make supper, settle who gets to use what electronic, night time snacks, night clothes on...

It's easy to forget...there's more to life than this. Souls are gathered here, young souls. Souls need nurturing and to learn of their creator. Souls are trying to figure out life, souls are struggling, souls need help interpreting life's joys and sorrows. 

I know today is Thanksgiving. And I am thankful...thankful and reminded...that amidst the busyness...life and love are more than my to-do list...

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing." 1 Cor. 13:1-3

Sweet Independence!

I should be waiting until tomorrow to write this but I just can't!! One year ago today, my husband was travelling from Maine to Nicaragua to start the "in country" process of adopting of sweet 4! 

What a year!! 

From this:

To this: 

To this: 

To this: 

We started our paperwork and contacted a Nicaraguan Lawyer in late April 2012. We were matched with our sweet 4 in early May and sent our letter of intent to adopt them on May 14th. In the middle of June, the orphanage they were living in was closed and our lawyer called and told us that social services wanted us in Nicaragua immediately! We scrambled and my husband left for Nicaragua on July 3rd, meeting the kids as their "Papa" on July 4th! 

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY!!! On July 4th, 2012 our sweet 4 were NO LONGER ORPHANS!

I stayed home to finish our paperwork and joined him with 2 of our 3 teenagers (1 is in college) in the middle of August. We came home as a family to the United States in the middle of January! It was 9 months from deciding to adopt to stepping into our home as a family. It was basically a pregnancy term!! There were so many "delays" along the way which is crazy when you think of how painstaking they felt but how short the process actually was!! 

So, tomorrow is our "Independence Day" celebration in more ways than one!! What an exciting year it has been!!

We are so THANKFUL to GOD for ALL HE HAS DONE!!

“Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

~Isaiah 58:6-9

God is faithful and His words are true!! He has met every need, He has brought us through each trial, He has taught us many lessons! 

I have learned in a deeper way that God is in control and I wait for Him alone. I wait for no human be it lawyer or judge or government. I wait for God alone. When He moves, what He wills takes place! We have learned more securely that He alone is the Healer, the Provider, the mover of Hearts. 

God is good!! I can't wait to see what the future holds!! Happy Independence!! 

Singing My Heart Out

When I'm in church and the music starts, I sing my HEART out! This is a new freedom for me, honestly. I can remember a day when if I had a rough morning with the kids or if I was struggling with a spiritual "dry patch", I felt like a hypocrite for singing with joy and gusto. Or, if the song spoke of some trait I had yet to conquer, I felt unworthy to sing it. Here was the REAL problem, worship was all about me...

But it's NOT about me. It's out GOD, THE GOD of Heaven and Earth, the God who saves, the God who created all things.

"Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his name;
bring an offering and come before him.
Worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness." ~1 Chronicles 16:29

I sing my heart out with freedom not because I am worthy, or "got it right that day", but because God is worthy of my worship and praise.

And I've learned that God and I can do business right there as I worship...

I can confess my sin and failure as I sing...

I can pray for those qualities brought up in songs that I don't possess...

I can praise God for all that He is in spite of all I am...

So, if you see me singing for all I am worth either with tears or a big ole grin...

It's not 'cause I'm something or anything, it's not 'cause I'm getting it right every day, it's not even necessarily because our morning went smoothly before church or on the way to church...

It's because I belong to an AWESOME God who loved me and died for me while I was still in my sin, who reached down and saved me by His amazing grace, who lives eternally and will someday bring me HOME to live with Him.

"I waited patiently for the Lord;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord
and put their trust in him."

~Psalm 40:1-3

Homeschooling Through Language Barriers

One of the scariest parts of our adoption has been how to homeschool children that do not share my language and I do not share theirs. 

When they first came home to us and we were living in Jinotepe, Nicaragua school was really impossible. I tried to do a little but the language barrier was too great. So we hired an Nicaraguan English tutor and let that be the extent of "school." He was not only a great teacher but became a friend.

Once we were home in the states, it was time to set a schedule and try again. It was very hard at first, I won't pretend it wasn't (a whole 'nother issue for another day is the challenge of mixing the role of being their teacher while trying to bond as their mother). But once I realized I needed to concentrate on what I COULD do instead of on what I could NOT do, things started to improve greatly. 

Science became very "hands-on". We drew the kids on butcher paper and put in organs to label. We labeled body parts and bones. We look up birds and animals and insects as they see them outside and learn what they are called and I find interesting ways to label their life cycles. 

History gave way to geography as we learned the planets, the continents and oceans. We did a "where am I?" project of our planet, our continent, our country, our state, our town, our street, our house. Through out all these projects and exercises, I was thankful for Google Translate to get me out of a pinch when I needed a word or description! And when they looked at me like I head three heads with Google Translate, their big brother (9) Fransua would read the words or help me figure out what word they use in Nicaragua and I could see the light dawn on each face!! 

In Math, a friend gave me some Math workbooks that had instructions in English AND Spanish. This and other basic math with manipulatives gave me information to place them curriculum wise. I would say Math has required a lot of patience and redoing stuff they likely already knew. But it may be the stress of so many life changes that sends Math concepts flying out the window. We just keep at it, day by day.

I have learned the most about teaching through a second language by teaching reading and spelling! At first I was so hung up on what they knew for English. How can I teach them "a" is for "acorn" if they don't know the word "acorn". But I had to get over that and teach what I could teach each day. AND I had to be flexible and consider other methods of teaching children to read than I might have used in the past. Teaching sight words was the key to beginning to read. I stumbled upon Sight Word Journals free online and they have turned out to be a treasure!! Not only did it launch my girls into reading but also helped them to really speak English in full, correctly constructed sentences. (Why do I mention my girls? Well because Fransua figured out the pattern of English reading and can just read in English. I can't take credit for that at all!! So he reads sentences in both English and Spanish daily.). 

Speaking of speaking, none of the kids have lost any of their Spanish! I don't know WHEN or IF that will happen. For now they speak to each other in Spanish, they speak to us in a mixture of both, and others in English. (I am trying to add to my Spanish day by day!)

Sometimes I am asked how I am teaching them...the short answer is: "I teach what I can teach them day by day!" And day by day, I can teach them more! 

Healing

                                                 5 out of 7 of my goofy kids!

I'm tempted to put up a sign on my house: "Healing Zone". Two of the four children I have adopted are very verbal and much more likely to share memories and feelings with me. It's such a relief that the language barrier, while still there, is much smaller. Usually these conversations take place while we are painting nails or doing crafts together. 

They're now able to share how scared they were when they found out they were being adopted, how confused they were about what that would mean for them. At such tender ages with limited exposure to the outside world, they were shocked that we didn't speak Spanish. These things I knew had to be true before, but to hear it verbalized makes it so much more real.

As hard as it was for us to go to Nicaragua for 6 months, it was all still very fast and sudden and scary for them. They were taking on SO MUCH. Loss and tragedy led them to an "orphan" status. But that had become their "normal." A scary adventure brought them "family". As big a deal it was for my husband and I and teens to go to Nicaragua, it was a bigger deal for these 4 kids to come and join us in our family!

It's nothing short of miraculous that in that journey and in the midst of all that, they could laugh and play at all. Hearing their accounts, it just keeps me conscious of the helplessness and lack of control when others make all your life decisions for you. Such is the life of a vulnerable child and how much more a child alone in the world. 

Sometimes I need to remind myself of all they have been through. As they laugh and play and love and mean it more and more when they call me "Mama", I sit back in amazement of what God has already done. Sometimes the journey to "healed" seems long. I have to be reminded of how far we've come...

And to be reminded that we have all been hurt, that this life is hard. God loves us so much and He brings healing in His wings...and we are all in the: "Healing Zone" until that day He brings us home with Him where I know I'll be able to change the sign over our home from "Healing Zone" to "Healed Zone." 

"But for you who fear my name, the sun of righteousness shall rise with healing in its wings. You shall go out leaping like calves from the stall." ~Malachi 4:2

BULLET Point!!

            6 of my 7 kids! 

I'm dusting off my blog today! It's been awhile. Each day rolls quickly into the next. It's not that I haven't had ideas for writing. It's just that the time to write and the mental energy to write have not hit as the same time in awhile. :) An update post is in order...

• Christian got his driver's license! The only one happier than him is me! ;) This kid never stops. He's full of plans (like talking his dad into starting a Futsol Rec League this past spring). Now he can not only help us with driving but get himself to his "movin' and shakin' plans"!
• Rachel got past a dental surgery, getting rid of 4 stubborn baby teeth that were pretty attached to staying in her mouth! We're glad that's over! She's in the process of designing her bedroom as she has decided to move out of the girls' room (4 girls, one bedroom) and into what used to be mine and her dad's bedroom. We had moved to the sun room to provide her with a "quiet room". She's decided to make the "quiet room" her bedroom. It's quite a bit smaller, but her own space. She a quiet reflector so sharing a bedroom with 3 active girls doesn't allow for much of that!
• Our 4 littles? Not to lump them together as they are individuals for sure but their experience of being adopted, moving to a new country, and learning a new language allows for a "group update!" Their English had a big burst and they are able to be conversational with others outside the family now! This is a huge blessing and I am seeing little friendships develop! I am also hearing new dreams for the future pop up. In Nicaragua, when we would ask what they would like to do when they grow up they each would say, "be in the army." Period. No other plan. Now, of course I love our military! But isn't it a bit concerning that they didn't have other ideas AT ALL?? Now that they have been home awhile we are hearing: "I want to go to Africa", or "I want to *drive* an airplane", or "I want to fish for lobsters" (Fransua is in love with Maine lobster!), or "I want to be a dancing girl!" It's just neat to hear dreams soar! I'd like to think dreams are emerging as a new hopeful future is seen as a definite reality!
• Tyler comes home next week from college to spend his birthday week with us!!  It was SO HARD not to have him home last year on his birthday! I just can't wait to give him a "Momma hug!" He'll spend his summer working for his college and interning at his church. I love where his life is, but I sure do miss him!!!
• Papa Bear has been busy painting Rachel's bedroom inside, setting up raised gardens outside, being a elder and youth leader at church, and keeping up with the rest of the family taking the kids swimming and fishing etc. etc. etc...
• And me? Well, being a wife and mom of 7 does keep me happily busy! I take time out to meet with some awesome friends weekly for Bible Study. I am praying about being able to spend more time on Youth Ministry for the fall. Meanwhile my heart is restlessly burdened for the poor, the oppressed, the orphan... I know our job right now is to stabilize our family. So I keep praying, not wanting to miss opportunities for more that God would want me to do... I heard this song yesterday and it speaks to where I am...

"If there's a road I should walk help me find it,

If I need to be still give me peace for the moment, 

Whatever Your will, whatever Your will, 

Can you help me find it, Can you help me find it..." 

~Sidewalk Prophets

For now I am doing the last thing I believe God led me to do until He makes clear what I am to add. I am drawn toward learning more Spanish and want to work harder that that goal. Stay tuned!! ;)

Behind My Highlight Reel

Those pictures...smiling faces, kids working together, family love, fun outings, interesting projects... That's all there. It's all truth. But...it's the HIGHLIGHT REEL. It's not the WHOLE story. Let me give you a peek BEHIND the highlight reel. 

"Step to the left kids; if I take your picture there then everyone will see the messy table."

"Let's clean the living room before we open birthday presents so I remember the fun and not the messy living room."

And that's the EASY part...

Behind the highlight reel are 

problems I can't solve...

hurts I can't heal...

strength needed I don't have...

wisdom I don't possess...

Behind the highlight reel...

Is a mom who is sometimes 

exhausted...

and grouchy...

and insecure...

and desperate for answers...

"How do you do *it all*?" they ask. 

I don't. I can't. I shouldn't. I won't.

No, I am not being hard on myself. I'm giving you a peek into the REAL reel.

When I am doing it right, I am recognizing that I cannot but God can IN me. I am crying out to God for strength and healing and rest and wisdom. I am desperately asking God to make up for my lack, to parent my kids despite my mistakes, to heal the hurts that I cannot, to heal the hurts I don't know about, to heal the hurts that I have caused. I am praying for the Holy Spirit to work in my kids hearts, I am asking the Good Shepherd to lead my kids, I am asking Jesus to save my kids. 

I ask God to lead me. I ask Him to favor His truth over the words of my heart, to over ride my instincts for what He knows it best. 

If I have a strength it is not in thinking I can do it or I have what it takes. It's in KNOWING and ACKNOWLEDGING that the good and the wisdom and the strength and the ability to not reside within me but within the God I have given my life to. 

We're messy, people. If you think differently I ask you to get to know us better. Our life is not charmed though we enjoy many blessings. We are only immune to the hardships God has said "no" to, but we do suffer hardships and trials like everyone. We love each other but many times suffer from a lack of love. 

We're real. 

Jesus said:
"Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit;apart from me you can do nothing." ~John 15:3-5

"If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." ~James 1:5

"Wait patiently for the LORD. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the LORD." ~Psalm 27:14